Surpassed my HS peers, still feel empty
Just found my yearbook in the basement, thought I lost it. I was the awkward kid that no one liked, who talked too much about stuff he barely understood, always excluded. Some of the boys made an effort to be nice and played LoL with me, but I still walked home from prom alone, and that was it. Now I am doing better than all of them, even better than the two 4.0 cracks, who became decent programmers. Yeah, it was amazing to see their shitty profiles on LinkedIn, I laughed a bit, but it didn´t feel good or fulfilling. One of them even wrote me and apologized for the bullying. But I still feel so fucking empty. What the fuck is wrong with me? I have an amazing girlfriend, I was finally, finally vindicated, I´m starting at an amazing firm with good money, but I can´t be fucking happy.
Sounds like you got it all going for you my man
Seems like you got everything you wanted. If you still feel empty maybe talk to a therapist. It never hurts to try (genuinely).
Don't listen to the "b-but you got everything you wanted" normies. You crushed those HS nerds, that feeling of emptiness that you experience now is just the consequence of you having finally achieved a long-time objective. Take some time to rest (mentally). Then move on to surpassing your college peers.
And then what?
OP needs to find purpose bigger than himself outside of work.
Now crush your fellow analysts by being better and harder working and a better team member
I don't know if you are open to explore the causes. But I felt the same some years ago and there's a book called 'six pillars of self esteem'. That book completely changed the way i look at the world. I strongly believe that it will be the case for you. Good luck and don't worry. It'll all be great in the end
gonna check this out
"normies" 😂😂 was all of WSO bullied in HS?
You feel empty because if you use hate, insecurity, fear, and vengeance as a primary driver of your career and life, you will not be happy because *you are not thankful of your situation*. Easiest and best way is to talk to a therapist, but another way if you like books would be reading some stoicism. People feel empty because of their twisted perspective of the situation (e.g. I'm earning $200K out of undergrad but I hate that I need to work 80 hours vs. nurses who earn less than $100k and are working back to back night shifts because of the COVID situation, etc).
Hope you feel better soon and good luck
This is very true. My motivation for every major choice in my life after age 16 was driving by fear and spite for HS/ hometown shitheads. Made me miserable and almost killed myself. Success and money only mask the underlying issues.
Wouldn't stoicism be indicated for someone in an opposite situation from him though? AFAIK stoicism is all about not feeling bad about what you can't control, which is a good thought for when you're in a shitty situation you can't immediately change, not when you've achieved what you wanted and feel empty.
It's because you missed out and can never experience high school again. It's probably one of the best times in a persons life. You become old enough to enjoy some older people stuff but not old enough to have the responsibilities and worry. Not saying that high school relationships are better, but you can't connect and love someone at 26 the way you do at 16. It's much more raw at that age and can feel very intense. Doing dumb shit with your friends, going to house parties where at least 1 person will pass out/throw up/get in a fight, skipping class to hang out with your gf, I can go on and on but you get the point. It passes by in a flash and the memories stay with you forever. And you missed out. I'm a second year in undergrad and I still miss it, probably because covid ruined everything.
Adult life sucks. You've achieved what so many people on this site, including me, are dying to achieve but what does it actually look like? 15+ hours a day of doing mundane shit, staring at screens all day. There is no catharsis. No revenge. No happy ending. The feeling won't go away, you'll just get used to it and eventually forget about it.
Having said that, take solace in the fact that you could be much worse off. Imagine if you went through all that and didn't become successful. Would've been 100x worse to see your HS peers doing better than you. Better to be rich and empty than poor and empty or even poor and happy to be honest. Sounds cliche but, focus on the good in your life. Don't take anything or anyone in your life for granted. Cherish every moment you have with people who love you because you have no idea how quickly things can change with no warning. Hope you feel better soon buddy.
Damn, good post bro.
"There is no catharsis. No revenge. No happy ending." Hit me hard
You should get off anon to rack up some quality on your profile if your other comments are this high quality, would love to read the others
I'm a non target from Canada lol, I felt like posting anon was a better choice. Thanks though I appreciate that.
He got that quote from American psycho🤣
Can I please go back in time and unread this? Too real bro, too real...
>Not saying that high school relationships are better, but you can't connect and love someone at 26 the way you do at 16. It's much more raw at that age and can feel very intense.
Fucking brutal bro, I think about this shit every single day and it was over 5 years ago at this point. This is too accurate.
Fucking hell, I always wondered why I felt like crushes felt stronger when I was younger. Like that feeling of looking at a girl you like at 16 - 20 could only be described as similar to looking at the sun when it came to intensity. I legit couldn't keep eye contact with all the girls i had crushes on or felt like i loved at that age. Now I am so confident with women and while I do find them attractive, that weak in the knees feeling is gone, its all sexual now.
I always wanted to like a girl again to the extent that I felt like a "boy" and not a man but since I became became older and more independent it hasnt been the same.
I guess its over now and that raw feeling is gone forever which is quite sad because i always wanted to be a loverboy no homo lol
eh I disagree with that point. Agree with it in nature, but you can definitely have some raw growth relationships in your 20s. Does fade out by late 20s and on a bit though
Adult life does not suck
Adult life sucks if you go into banking lmao
I work 40-50 hours a week and can afford to do whatever the fuck i want whenever the fuck i want, it's fantastic
what field do you work in if you don't mind telling
cuz usually consultants are known to have slightly less hours than bankers, with all the travelling
Bro I did not need to read this on a Monday lmao
That whole bit about loving differently at different ages is spot on. There will never be revenge in the way you see it/want it to happen. SB
Idk what you are talking about, but college will be the best time of your life. Second year in undergrad?
Just wait.
Still think the first few years out of college far surpass any college experience. You're making more money than you can practically spend and living with your boys in a big city
I partially agree but mostly disagree. If you missed high school, you missed four years. There are potentially decades and decades and decades (and decades and decades ...) to go. High school is a sunk cost, don't cry about it if the experience sucked. The best time to start living purposefully was before, the next best is today.
With respect to love and life, no offense but you haven't experienced it yet. The intensity of a teenage relationship is insane, I totally agree. However, the love I have for my child is just on another plane of reality to my high school relationships. It's like comparing the intensity of a brilliant firework to a Saturn V rocket. My grandmother died last year after being married to my grandfather for 50 years. He spread her ashes out near the birdhouse in the back yard where they would go on walks through the woods. He is a man who I remember showing almost no emotion growing up, and when I visited him recently, he was sobbing uncontrollably. The depth of the love that you build up with a long term partner can't be replicated.
Now is the day to start living. Yes, life is full of labor and pain; it is also full of magic and wonder if you are brave and vulnerable enough to seek it out. I highly recommend adopting a Stoic attitude toward the world and embrace challenges where they arise. Risks in life beget rewards. Sometimes the riskiest thing you can do is commit. Commit, and reap the benefit and despair of opening your life up to others.
You describe it pretty well. Highschool is just too good. It was amazing for me. Im happy I was able to have a great time, but also greatful, because I never had someone bullying me or something similar. Its a big problem when people can't enjoy it because of some non-sensical people.
If HS was the best time of your life, that's on you and it's more of a reflection of your mindset. How can you say adult life sucks if you're still a college kid? Got to love all the other HS and college kids on WSO piling on and throwing SBs hahaha
You have responsibilities as an adult, but also a lot of freedom to do whatever the fuck you want within a set of constraints that are often within your control (financial, social, etc).
I love adult life, I make and save my own money (work towards financial freedom), and largely have control over my own life and what I want to do. Adult life is great because you have full ownership and accountability for your decisions. Make a good decision and you reap the rewards, make a shitty decision and you deal with the consequences.
Adult life is amazing dude. What are you talkimg about, dont live in the past. Your present thoughts mark your future results.
needed to read that last part
While I can see where you are coming from, most people I know from high school did not enjoy their experience, let alone refer to it as one of the best times of their life. Even my friends/family members who were popular and could bang any chick they want didn't really enjoy high school much. I think everyone has a different experience so there's no point in looking back and sobbing. I personally am about to graduate college and in no way look at HS as anywhere close to my college experience. And even though I've enjoyed college a lot, there are parts of the 'real world' that I am looking forward to as well.
Lol @ HS being “the time of your life”. I’ve done all of the things you mentioned in HS and they are 1000% more fun and intense when you’re older and have the freedom to do whatever you want with money in your pocket.
People leading fulfilling lives don’t get stuck dwelling on HS. That’s absurd. Makes sense that you’re just a college sophomore though, you’ll see down the line that HS is nothing compared to the amazing life experiences that are in store for you.
This is true. When you are at 22 or whatever it's easy to think that going to house parties and getting hammered, or getting stoned with high school buddies, or randomly hooking up with random broads are the best parts of life - they arent - and adulthood will suck - it doesnt have to.
You get older and realize how many things you did at that age werent really you , but just you trying to fit in. You get to find yourself a bit, develop agency to do whatever, and eventually leave your mark on the world. Finding very important people (SO, close friends, family) to share moments with outweighs interacting with strangers that you just dont give a shit about when you get older
The reactions to that post are just a reflection of the demographics of this site lol. Written by someone who hasn't even started working full time yet. 21 year old's preaching life knowledge to 18-19 year old's.
As an older guy (early 30s) I'm shocked you are still in college and this accurate/self-aware in assessing this situation. Most people dont have that realization until they are in their careers so good on you for realizing it now. I remember after busting my ass in college and stressing about GPAs, having a spotless record, securing internships, etc. all that to break into industry just to have that first job in a major city and think "this is it? this is what that was all for? To work long hours staring at a computer screen and living in a studio apartment?"
I think a lot of people choose their career (not just finance, but other prestigious ones such as law or medicine) to offset a greater insecurity they are feeling about themselves. There was so much of college and high school life I foolishly missed out on to focus on something that brought money but zero fulfillment.
OP you didn't 'beat' your high school peers. You are probably just grading yourself on your own personal scale (money/prestige) that they care less about you. When they look at you they grade you on a different scale based on their own values (family, freetime, social life, giving back to community, could be anything). Once you realize this you will stop trying to be 'better' than everyone for the sake of being better than them, but instead find your own values and meaning in life - which clearly you havent reflected on enough - and being the ideal/best version of those
Yeah this is true. One thing I've learned is that you can never write off people and just assume you are better/more successful than them. For starters they probably have different ideas of success e.g. the guy working in public policy/research which he is really passionate about probably thinks he is better than the corporate drone selling themselves for money. Secondly, you can't judge someone's success based off their linkedin lmao and their career trajectory may be completely different to yours. I know loads of people who start of in less prestigious jobs then work their way up and loads of people who start in prestigious roles but stagnate/fall off and don't progress. For example OP assumes he is better than his CS hs friends because his job is more prestigious, but in 10-15 he might be stuck at VP level in a bank whilst the CS people got jobs at FAANG and earn similar with far better work life balance. They might be working on a startup which is about to take off or have really successful crypto investments which aren't plastered all over their linkedin. They might actually be laughing at OP for working 90 hours a week whilst they work 40 and are already financially free.
Point is you never know someone elses individual circumstances so you shouldn't write them off as inferior to you.
I'm gonna sound like a crybaby now, but I don't care: thank you for making my day worse. I'm not accomplished like OP and have spent my HS years browsing internet forums. Granted I'm in a nice path now, but it sucks when I'm reminded of what I lost long ago and couldn't get even if I traveled back in time now.
You’ll make a killing counselling the whole WSO community my Canadian brother
Damn bruh that hit right in the feels, i finna chug a beer and pants my principal
Part of growing up is parting with some of your friends you used to be able to relate so well with. Some may simply get left behind, some may surpass you. And as much as you want to pretend things are as were before, the differences in your life circumstances may make certain things awkward. Can't do nothing about it tbh.
Get a grip. You still feel empty because this is a really stupid thing to try and get fulfillment and happiness from.
Sure you think you surpassed everyone in high school because you have a better LinkedIn profile. However, I strongly suspect most of those kids you are worried about couldn't give less of a damn about your LinkedIn profile or how amazing your firm is. Vindication generally feels good because the people who you think wronged you now are envious of you. You receive the respect you felt you were snubbed of. However, I'm guessing that isn't the case in your case. The kids you have so much anger towards probably haven't thought about you in years or if they have, they don't care about you nearly as much as you care about them. Thus, no vindication.
Even if the above were true, it seems your high school peers are clearly not that impressive. If your only competition in high school was two decent programmers that you laugh at, you are clearly comparing yourself to a really low caliber peer group. Of course this won't be satisfying - you're simply a medium fish in a small pond.
However, the true reason that you can't be happy is because you're still extremely insecure which is why this vindication is so important to you. You are deriving your sense of value from the validation of your peers (as is normal) but it seems like you have not received enough validation which is why you have to tell yourself that they are all losers compared to you - to try and rationalize that you don't need their validation even though deep down you still really want it. Only way to get over this is to truly let go of the need for validation from your high school classmates. Also remember that they haven't really wronged you; by your own admission you were awkward and most people don't go out of their way to socialize and become friends with awkward people, this is just a part of life.
Finally, if your title of Analyst 1 is correct get your head out of your ass - you haven't accomplished anything or surpassed anyone yet. From "starting at an amazing firm" and the emotional maturity of this post, I'm guessing you haven't even started working yet. All you have is an offer. Any of the people you think you've surpassed could start a small business and outearn you. Humble yourself and focus on building actual meaningful accomplishments and compare yourself against yourself rather than low quality high school classmates.
I feel you man, was in your exact position for some time as well. I was a bit more fortunate in that I wasn't bullied in high school and was moderately "popular". Captain of a varsity sports team, class senator, whatever. However, when college application season kicked in and it was time to think about the future, I was for better or for worse ostracized from many circles. I was always unavailable because I was doing SAT prep, or writing essays, or couldn't come watch the Sunday game and drink because I was on a school tour. It sucked. By the end of high school, I was really only super tight with a few teammates and my girlfriend at the time. I ended up going to Columbia and barely a semester in, it was apparent that my life and those of my HS friends and gf were going to be very different. Take pride in your success but don't be boastful. Remember your roots but don't let that be the standard. That is my best advice to you. My HS friends are happy in their own regard, even if they're working as cashiers and have a baby on the way at age 22. You may be surprised that such a life genuinely brings happiness to some, and that is ok. There is no need to prove your success to anyone, because honestly they probably don't care, and nor should you. Aim higher, set larger goals, only then will you maybe feel some sense of success.
2 things:
1) you might want to see someone. It could be depression/ you could have a legitimate imbalance in your brain.
2) I don’t buy the people above talking about you missing out on childhood/ hs etc. and that being the reason. My childhood was shit with severe health issues and you couldn’t pay me to go back to those days. Comparison is the thief of joy and from my perspective those that are truly happy are able to view things in absolute terms and live in the moment appreciating life in ways others don’t. Just as an example, everyone is talking about how mundane adult life is and I don’t buy it. It’s only mundane if you have a boring life and don’t plan/ do fun shit. Go on a trip and watch the sunset, join a rec league sport and win the championship, try new things and meet new people.
People act like being an adult is so much worse than being a kid and that’s why adult life sucks. You have responsibility as an adult, but also full control. Especially as someone without kids—you can do whatever you want. Go on a month sabbatical and travel Europe, each weekend try a new activity—there are so many ways to find childhood happiness as an adult, you just have to open yourself to it. If your life sucks as an adult it’s because you aren’t making an effort to make it better barring circumstantial tragedies.
Eyy shout out to my league of legends bois! I didn’t experience HS either, I wasn’t bullied but I was addicted to LoL. Me and my nerdy friend group would play all the time.
Same lol - definitely has some fun but LoL took up way too much time. I remember thinking I would keep playin in college, then I discovered alcohol and chasing women.
Hey young man. Its another phase in life where we look back & realised none of all that mattered. Very much like the first break up we will feel or the first time we went to the dentist for the first time of our lives as a kid. Or the first time u played soccer or baseball (just catch & throw) with your dad or something like that. Those moments are precious & can never be taken back. The higher up comment said being vindicative is very harsh but is a true fact. I won't sugar coat it because what the other commentator said was hard cold truth. And I do not want to contribute to the snowflake or shattering glass generation too. A generation too loved by parents/etc. the ones the Gen X. ppl laugh alot at millenials etc. I only wish to congratulate you for achieving what is a necessary first step. But the path & the road ahead is long. What you are experiencing, u will experience many more times at every juncture of life. Those junctures can be anytime, anywhen any how, but it will happen.
Maybe 5 years ago everything was huge. Oh god this & that. Everything. Today you look back & you say, that ain't so bad. Because you've grown. N thats good but never give up & never settle. Never rest on your laurels. But if you need time to u know reset, realign, get your mojo, you should. Just don't take too long. You need to do it physically as well. You know, throw old things away. Let the new come into your life. Its just going to repeat itself.
Only thing is you never want to do anything with all the regrets. Make all the conscious decisions yourself. N never delegate your happiness to vindication. Nobody controls your happiness but you. Its a button you set. And if you need time to rest & close some chapters in your life, take the time & do it. Whatever it is, maybe drive pass or walk pass the old place u used to grow up, but heck don't u do it every Thanksgiving or somethin (to go back)? Every1 would have a different priority. Everyone has their own yardstick of what is success & what they can be content with. You don't stop here.
Nothing STOPS here, or anywhere at anypoint in your life. You could take breaks of course, because nobody functions 24/7, is healthy 24/7. There are minor reset days just not very long. The only point u stop is kind of when you are dead. N your girlfriend & everything that you have right now, they need either 1 of 2 things to stay that way or improve (I would suggest improve on, than maintain status quo, simply because humans look forward to future).
The 2 things are either time or energy. What you would devote to actually upgrade or sustain the things you have.
Look its simple, your girlfriend, is a human being, n human beings need attention / whatever. You think if you just, "OK I MADE IT". Its all just gonna stop there? Heck its alot harder making it INTERESTING, SUSTAINABLE, ENJOYABLE FOR THE INDEFINITE FUTURE. N There is no stopping even AFTER YOU GET MARRIED with kids etc. Nothing ever stops. THe world spins, whether we sleep, eat, poop or wake. Same with life. Those things just pass.
You can always think about, holy cow, I wanna bring my girl to go snow-ski-ing every year. Its gonna be fun ? OR snowboarding or whatever. You know, something fun. Every year, some milestone for that. Its cool isn't it? Or maybe some targeted christmas presents for your old folks who will find it useful? So many things to cherish, enjoy, plan & achieve year by year. If you ever feel stressed, this is all part of life. It never stops. Everything needs something to sustain. Be the giver. Have an abundance mindset.
Your job, is also going to be very demanding. Its going to be a never ending cycle of proving yourself, again & again & again & again. Until you're sick of it & then u repeat. There is a saying, pain is inevitable in life. Think about it, we freaking scream/cry the moment we're born. We learn to fall before we learn to crawl, our bodies fight diseases for the first time, etc. Just cause we are not aware, doesn't mean its not happening. Just cause NOW we have FINALLY GROWN TO A STAGE where we are more aware of the processes of what took place, we gained the ability to reflect, doesn;t mean it didn't happen before. Everything has a first time & some are hopefully repeats (so u know how to do it the best way).
Pain is inevitable, but if you're going to be pessimistic then you probably want to suicide. But without all these pain to contrast, we won't know joy. If joy was 100% of our lives, we won't have joy because we cannot define joy if joy was the flat background of everything. So all these we experience? Its called LIFE. We go to the doctors maybe later years of life & Dr. says cut the red meat, the fat, the cigarettes, the alcohol, dnt live a sedentary lifestyle, get active, exercise, eat your veggies etc . bla bla. But if you JUST STRIP ALL THE TECHNICALITIES away, at every juncture, every god damn expert advice = "LIFE YOUR GODDAMN LIFE SON". Cherish it.
So its not about being an optimist either. Its appreciating the fact that you're alive, its a ticking clock, and why would you spend it on trivial things like vindicative or whatever or people that never meant shite to your life in the first place? There ARE INDEFINITE NUMEROUS ENDLESS relationships with NETWORKED people you should focus on. That could take u to new career heights, that appreciate your time, interest & concern (think friends, family loves ones whatever). Think family of your loved ones?
Dude, if you are so filthy rich you could contribute to all these subset groups, its all about getting more & contributing more & then in turn everybody adds value to everything, you see it all grows together. N these ppl appreciate your attention. Don't focus on whoever who didn't care in HS.
You can focus on those who care. OR building new ONES who WILL CARE. (7billion ppl in the world bro, if nobody there give a rat @$$ to talk to you, something is very wrong with the approach you communicate xD) Isn't it easy? Live your life.
Pain is inevitable in life. BUT SUFFERING is NOT. We can choose to suffer or not. We can choose to be BIGGER than our problems & stop being a whiner. WE can take charge, be accountable see it in another angle, counter, conquer, achieve, succeed. Fail 500 times & still try again in 500 different new ways. You CANNOT stop anytime, unless u decided to. So its all on you really.
But I cannot imagine or fathom my thoughts somebody who can elect to throw everything away & choose to focus on vindication or things that didn't matter because 99% chances probability is you're gonna lose your girlfriend & then someday realise heck why didnt u just LIVED LIFE then & did whatever u could to have a happy ending with someone you love.
Life is that short but dnt look at it negatively. Ppl thinking OH DAMN LIFE IS SHORT IMMA GONNA DIEEEEEE KILL ME NOW. TAKE DRUGS DIE YOUNG YAY!
Thats crazy. Life IS SHORT so make the most of it. U got 1 chance in life, to achieve whatever it is you wanna do. N GOD HELL NO PLEASE TELL ME you are not going to spend any more or a huge chunk of it trying to rationalise vindication or ppl in HS that u know, are probably something you won't even care about.
So what do you spend it on? Suggested aplenty up there, but here u go, u spend on how to get to the next thing. Today maybe u think, Excel models are difficult, build an even more complex one. Today 100k is money. Make it look small, go aim 200k. Today u take 2 hours to do a deck of slide, try to reach an efficiency where 1 day u do it in 20mins flat. Maybe try doing it at 1 stage with your eyes closed HECK IT COULD BE ANYTHING. U know if u could master the art of walking with 1 leg & still be faster than some1 who runs with 2, maybe its an achievement right? Endless stuff to think about. Live life bro.
N if you don't want your girl & wanna spend time vindicating, u could always give her out xD (kidding).
You talk like a redditor, shut the fuck up
Can you just write "and" instead of "N"? JFC people, it's not that hard.
Genuinely helpful comment. How much addy did you take??
I feel kinda the same. I was a huge slacker growing up (and still can be today). Nobody in my high school freshman year would believe you if you told them how much I'd improve by this point; I was looked down upon by many of the "gifted" kids. Though like you, my social life is pretty boring other than getting shit faced on the weekends.
Because once you strip away the accolades and accomplishment that were fueled (I assume) by insecurity and anger, you're sitting there asking yourself..."what the fuck now? That's it?"
It's a realization that a lot of this shit (the prestige, money, labels) is utterly meaningless if you're not happy with yourself.
You'll never be happy if you're driven solely by external validation. Go see a therapist. Seriously.
Get your head out of your ass, if you really think making more money than someone means you've "surpassed" them as a human it's no wonder your life is empty, get a hobby fucko.
Your lack of fulfilment stems from your need to judge your life's accomplishments compared to those of other people. Human beings are social creatures, and one of our natural states of being and behaviour is to compare what we have to others. Even (real) monkeys will exhibit this, and display an innate sense of fairness / unfairness when provided with an inferior reward for performing the same task as another monkey.
Another poster above hit the nail on the head as well -- you have insecurities, just like the rest of us, that are leading you to seek validation from others. If you truly want to feel fulfilled, judge your life by how much you have accomplished what YOU want to do, not what you are doing in comparison to others.
This means that:
Just go and do what you want to do. F*ck everyone else, they don't care about you anyways, so why should you waste your energy, brainpower, and precious single chance at life thinking about them? I became much happier, much more relaxed, and arguably, more desirable as a friend / partner when I simply stopped caring what others thought. Do that, and you'll naturally attract and find "your" people, who you will enjoy spending time and forming more fulfilling relationships with.
lol I had this realization on my journey as well. If you always view yourself as superior or inferior solely on basis of money and nothing else that is brought to the table, then you will view yourself as lesser than all the time. It's very unhealthy
Comparison is the thief of joy, and what kind of a metric is the people at your shitty high school (coming from the graduate of a shitty high school).
I also was quite antisocial in HS and now I surpassed all my peers in HS, so I feel your post. But I also feel grateful to how the situations was in HS because that pushed me to want to improve myself. I am still 22 years old, but I learned 6 languages, travelled through all Europe, studied abrod in Italy and Spain, met people from different places and got into interesting professional opportunities.
If I didn't felt insecure and antisocial in HS I wouldn't had the motivation to push myself to be better than my peers. Because of that, I had the chance to experience life in such a high level that I feel immensely accomplished.
The guy who mentioned that in HS the emotions are more intense, I would want that for a girl as girls live for romanticism, but as a guy because of such emotions you can really F up your life: children, loveless marriages, etc. So in my view, as a man, your best years are usually from 30 onwards when you have some understanding of life.
Nah the other guy was kinda right. Sean Payton (randomly) had one of the best quotes on it I’ve seen, which is, paraphrasing a bit “that feeling goes away, it goes away and it doesn’t come every Friday night. It comes when you get married, it comes when your child is born. So you get it, you just don’t get it every Friday night. You’re going to miss that more than anything in the world. That’s what I miss.”
It’s not necessarily HS only, but you’re 22 so you’re probably still getting that feeling that the here and now is special and important. And as you get older those special nights don’t come every Friday at a football game or every Saturday going out. I’m sure there are people who live life differently, but as you age those big special moments are just farther and farther between.
1) Do not base your happiness on beating old peers, unless you are a Jeff Bezos, you are bound to not be the "best" at some point. Even then, trust me, you won't be happy (again look at what Bezos is doing now)
2) You aren't beating anyone at 23 as an IB Analyst, lives and careers are (hopefully) long and the guy from HS you mock for working landscaping, could easily own a lanscaping company worth $50m in 15 years (worked at a search fund as an intern and saw so many examples of this type of success)
What do you think happens once you make it to the top of a mountain? Eternal bliss?
If you're using your peers as a measuring stick you'll never be "happy". Or in your case, even "satisfied". There's always more stuff to do. Also, your peers likely don't care an iota about your success, think about it, or even think about you, for that matter. People are just really self-absorbed or focused on things that may matter- family, paying the bills, love, etc.
If you are looking for happiness it won't come by way of status or accomplishment. Perhaps you can be content or satisfied but true happiness, at least for me, has come in moments I've built with people I love. Nothing makes me smile more these days than seeing my goddaughter perform (she's a gymnast). It's fucking spectacular watching her confidently flip around. Knowing I motivated her to do it is the icing on the cake.
I can't be happy comparing myself to folks because we all have different starting points, strengths and advantages. I started from the bottom of the bottom, so my little upper middle class corporate niche to me is amazing. I'm better and smarter than I was 5 year ago, 10 years ago, and that's enough. A guy like Elon Musk or one of these masters of the universe will look at me being all proud and probably laugh. But I get to see my goddaughter flip and all is well.
Maybe spice up your relationship more? Like maybe having a threesome or something
Count on Pizz to bring this up lmao. Love you my man
Sorry to be harsh but have you considered the possibility that you're not doing better than your peers? You're posting about how unsatisfied you are on WSO. Making money isn't everything, and doesn't make you better than those who make less. Find what makes you happy.
Here’s a video to cheer you up. Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎 I think you’ll like the punch line here too.
Idk man sounds like you're still the awkward kid who probably still talks too much about stuff your barely understand and you're still always excluded. There's more to work and life than playing "I told you so!" with your loser high school peers (let's be honest - lots of high schoolers peak there, so the bar is pretty low). You going back through your yearbook with that mentality and caring enough about it to post here shows that you have a hell of a lot of growing up to do and life to live.
Listen to "Undertow" by Genesis
"Stand up to the blow that fate has struck upon you
Make the most of all you still have coming to you
Or lay down on the ground and let the tears run from you
Crying to the grass and trees and heaven finally on your knees
Let me live again, let life come find me wanting
Spring must strike again against the shield of winter
Let me feel once more the arms of love surround me
Telling me the danger's past, I need not fear the icy blast again"
I'll bite here, a lot of people already gave some pretty good advice anyway. I was bullied in high school and I can unequivocally say it was the worst 4 years of my life. I was extremely depressed and hated life daily, but this is about you and not about me (just trying to say I understand being awkward, I was recently diagnosed with ASD which explains some of the subtle cues I didn't learn until my early 20's).
Money won't make you happy. I used to believe that's total bs but it's really true- money solves your money problems (Naval says this all the time, it's more true the more you experience it). Those people who bullied you or whatever, they won't care what firm you're at. AT MOST, it's an "Oh cool Analyst is at this firm" and that's it (if anything at all). You also sound like me, quite motivated by revenge and wanting to succeed with a chip on your shoulder. My best accomplishment so far is having a super healthy circle of loved ones. My wife, family, and close friends are all crushing life and I'm so happy for them. They're all here for me and I'd do anything to help them out. Yeah, I have a pretty cool job and make a lot more money than most of my peers, my WLB is pretty great, my upward mobility is great, skies are blue. But that circle of loved ones is what really is the greatest thing in life right now.
Go invest in building that up. Develop a few, close friendships. Of my closest friends and family (including my wife), I'd let any of them move in with me for free, give them anything of my possessions to help them, fly across the country to help if needed, and I'm confident they'd do the same for me. Just like you invested in your career, invest in your relationships. You'll see higher dividends in your happiness quotient.
You need to find/get a group of people that you can constantly laugh with and have a great time with in your life. Guarantee that's what you're missing in your life.
Even sex or threesomes won't fix your problems.
Did you just move to a new city or something? Try some new experiences or meet some new friends. Plan something interesting with your gf. Find some hobbes.
Imagine giving a shit what people in high school did/think lol
Some people never manage to grow up.
I really hope this guy never gets promoted to any kind of managerial position. Then the loser who wasted his high school playing league and daydreaming of beating up his bullies finally has power over people. Nothing is worse than a manager who is blatantly compensating for something.
It's pretty telling that everyone here telling you "high school is best time of your life" or "adult life sucks" has the description of being an "intern" or "first year analyst". Life gets better especially if you have the 1) time 2) money to do things. Time being the most important one, hence why these junior bankers and interns preaching you some "truth". It's true that there are certain experiences in high school you won't get to relive (so what?), but adult life is amazing. There are plenty of things you have experienced and others have not.
You can do whatever you want whenever you want as an adult. Experiences are more meaningful because you appreciate them more. Keep your head up and try new things that you might find enjoyment doing and get after them. Look outside of work.
I don’t have a lot of credibility. I’m a student at a great finance school, studying cs, and I have a 2.6 gpa. By no means am I a success. Tbh I wish I was like you, but I feel like I understand your situation. I’m a person who always compares myself to others. I always need to be the best. See in my eyes you probably have lived life seeking to be better than your peers. Perhaps you wanted to gain respect, or maybe you wanted to prove yourself to someone. Whatever the reason; you have succeeded. You have done the best, and have become “that man.” Now that you have it, there’s nothing for you to look forward to. You lived to seek happiness. Now that you have it. There’s nothing left.
Go to the gym and lift.
This is good advice. If you don't already start working out. You'll be surprised what it can do for your mental.
I think you should work on an exercise every night before you go to sleep.
First of all - count your blessings. Be cognizant of every positive and good thing in your life and thank God or whoever you believe in for them.
Secondly, visualize the day and think of your actions and what you could do better.
A nightly reflection should be very helpful in feeling good about your situation and your life direction.
You sound hella insecure and condescending. There’s more to life than work or your paycheck or your prestigious job that no one gives a fuck about.
Re-kindle and take care of the relationships and people you have in your life now. What’s the point of money if you don’t have people with whom to create memories with.
You needn’t tie your self-worth only to your educational and professional achievements.
Ever watch Game of Thrones and be so disappointed with the last episode that you wanted to break your TV ?? Thought so...
Point is, it was always about the journey, and never about the destination. You loved the journey of wanting to get here, but now that you're here, it doesn't feel quite how you thought it would. It took me a while to realize that too, because out there, there's always something better/bigger/grander to do/achieve, and it feels unfulfilling even after you do so. I'm not too old (pushing 30), but I think about this all the time now. Recently we had a conversation at work, and both the MD and other Analyst said they'd go back to being just out of college where they had some $$ to enjoy and not enough responsibility. My answer - I'd like to go back to high school/college with NO responsibility and so much more freedom, because as others have pointed out, that life is just so different from all other times in your life. So, I sympathize with you totally, albeit my high school life was much too different.
Can't promise that it'll get better, but it will get easier. I think the fulfillment will come once you figure out what truly makes you happy and figure out ways to do it (for me it was playing more sports and helping students at my school succeed).
Good luck - I'll be rooting for you!
Food for thought I didn’t really grasp until I started in banking: Unless you’re some Exeter —> H/Y/P kid (no beef here, just talking more matter of factly), most of us on this app put in a TON of hard work to become “successful” relative to our hometown peers in terms of salary / financial health / job status. But here are some hard pills to swallow: 1) no one in your hometown community genuinely gives a fuck, and most importantly, 2) there’s sooo many other other ways to define “success” (i.e., will you leave this world in a better place than you found it, do you consistently strive to positively impact the lives of others, do you laugh often, do you surround yourself with caring, lasting friends, etc? That, my friend, is true success). Fuck all this bullshit that makes you think a job or status define your success - this whole app is often times just a huge dick measuring contest that negatively alters the way we perceive things. Sure, this career of yours is an added feather in your cap, but at the end of the day, if that’s how you think you’ll be “happy”, you’re missing the true point of life. Find things to do that make you happy, prioritize them when you have time, and you (and really your mental health) will be in a much better state. Work is just work at the end of the day, regardless of what you do. Like I’m sure there’s a bunch of “sales specialists” and “account managers” and “office admins” - out there that are way happier with their lives and do more for our planet than some of us here will ever do - and to me, that makes them more successful. Just sayin. I’ll leave you w two quotes I’ve found helpful:
“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” -Albert Einstein
“I am not impressed by your money, position title. I am impressed by how you treat others.” -Anon
Godspeed OP
Happiness is overrated. I'd rather cry and be stressed tf out in my skyscraper condo with a sick view than laugh in my shitty 2 bedroom in the middle of nowhere.
Real flex is making enough to take care of your needs/ambitions/dreams at a whim with enough to spare to make your loved ones' lives as sweet as possible. That is true happiness.
Amen. And then eating whatever food/dessert/cuisine I want to fucking eat because I have $$$
I feel like the major problem here is that you have been focusing too much on comparing yourself to others. You pursued stuff to prove to someone else that you're good enough or better than them. It's a flawed thinking that does not bring fulfillment in life.
I dealt with bullies in HS too and hated them at first but then I realized that there was something wrong with them or their families or their upbringing that made them behave that way - maybe a father beat a mother or maybe kids just don't know better until a certain age. I actually met one of the bullies many years after HS and had a pleasant conversation with him - he seemed to have become a good, hard working man, caring about his wife and kid and I did not have any negative feelings towards him.
Fulfillment comes from a balanced life and having your mind and effort focused inward, i.e. on your and your family's priorities and values, not outward. On your deathbed you will not care what other people thought of you, you'll probably relive your life's most precious moments and these most certainly will not include any memories of the HS bullies. Therefore, you should strive to create as many moments like this as possible while you're young.
A lot of people have added their ideas here, so I'm not going to do that. I'll just suggest and exercise I suggested to others. I think some above have suggested something similar.
Practice gratitude whenever you eat. Before every meal, just say something you are grateful for. That's all. You could literally say you're grateful for the weather. But say something. If you get into the habit of doing this, you'll at least be able to reflect on some of the things you mentioned.
Also, talk to someone in your real life, your girlfriend, whoever about how you feel. It's annoying and it feels like shit. But getting that feeling out is better than you think. If you don't have someone to do that with, it probably means you need to make a couple of closer friends. Good luck
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