Biggest and most common BS you've seen on a resume? Funny

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Maybe I'm the only one here who absolutely hates cocky people but anyways I just thought mention somewhat of a rant. A classmate of mine was talking about how he has recruiters calling him all the time, etc. So I asked in a non-confrontational way if I could see his resume so I could know more of what to put. In work experience he put he's been a PM for 8 years (He's 20 mind you) so I asked him more about it and says he uses Merrill edge lol. I asked how much AUM ballpark figure he has because I figured someone being that bold would be upfront and his response was "I would never disclose info on behalf of my shareholders" I then responded with "oh really what licenses do you have? 7? 63? 65?"

He then said "Uh... um.... actually I just use whatever money my dad gives me." I thought I'd share and will ask to those of you who look at resumes a lot: What's a funny resume you've seen where you already knew they were full of shit? Or what is common thing people shouldn't lie about but do in their resume? I would think what he put isn't all too uncommon.

Comments (63)

Sep 1, 2015

DELETED, though I'm not sure why.

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Aug 31, 2015

Most common BS: "passion for finance"

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Sep 1, 2015

Agreed. Sounds way too cookie-cutter.

Jan 16, 2020

What's the better alternative to the "passionate about finance"?

Jan 17, 2020

Honestly, probably not necessary to write it (or something like it) at all! Your resume is prime real estate for details about your experience and what you will be able to contribute to the firm, in addition to your other interests, and "passionate for finance" shouldn't make the cut if you ask me.

Sep 1, 2015

c-suite titles for startups

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Sep 1, 2015

I think they should just put "owner" in that case.

  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Jan 3, 2020

Literally saw a linkedin job ad for a startup's co-founder this morning...
Some startups are really something else.

Sep 2, 2015

lol

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

Sep 3, 2015

Did you put the picture on there? I didn't.

Sep 1, 2015

CFA Level 1 Candidate

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Sep 2, 2015

"CFA Level 3 candidate (expected)" lol

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Jan 10, 2020

Expected: 2021-2030

Sep 2, 2015

any variation of GPA that's not cumulative GPA

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Sep 2, 2015

Founder of investment banking club

Jan 3, 2020

why is this bad

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Jan 16, 2020

its just cringe man

Buying tesla weeklies is literally free money.

Sep 2, 2015

In one sense, yes your friend is spewing BS.

In another sense, it may stand out. If you were an interviewer or HR would you want to talk to the guy who appears to have some knowledge of trading or some guy whose highlight is managing the college economics club? You can hire a garbage man or an engineer--a sanitation engineer.

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Sep 5, 2015
ironman32:

In one sense, yes your friend is spewing BS.

In another sense, it may stand out. If you were an interviewer or HR would you want to talk to the guy who appears to have some knowledge of trading or some guy whose highlight is managing the college economics club? You can hire a garbage man or an engineer--a sanitation engineer.

Found the guy also putting this on his.

It'll get you questions, however I can almost promise you anyone putting "PM - 8 years" as a college student is usually an idiot, lying, and doesn't know anything about actually being a PM. So, yeah. I guess it's great, if you want to give the HR department a laugh and end up on the Business Insider front page soon after.

Unless you're Ken Griffin starting and running a fund out of your dorm room with a fucking satellite dish hanging out of your window and killing it in your spare time, nobody wants you to shove your "portfolio management" down their throats with BS terms and exaggerations. One, humble little line about trading in your PA is fine, and you can tell them more about it if they ask. Which they probably will, if they think you're worth asking.

"When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead."

Sep 2, 2015

This isn't BS, but when I see a resume with "financial modeling", or any variant of that, under their "Interests" section I get a good laugh.

Sep 3, 2015

See this quite a bit on linkedin.

Best Response
Sep 3, 2015

Fluent in English

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Sep 3, 2015

I LOL'ed, SB

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Sep 3, 2015

One day I hope to see a CV that says "Fluent in bullshit". That person will be hired on the spot.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

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Sep 5, 2015
heister:

One day I hope to see a CV that says "Fluent in bullshit". That person will be hired on the spot.

You hiring? Let me send you mine quick...

"When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead."

Sep 7, 2015

I just seen someone on linkedin put MBA at the end of their name. It was from Phoenix and they actually put their 2.2 GPA.

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Sep 4, 2015

Classic. How about people who put "strong technical" BS that they have no certifications or even a degree in? lol

Sep 3, 2015

My best:

The "Global CEO" title - its cool that you have your own company on the side, but to give yourself a c-suite multi-geographic title for your one-man-show is honestly a bit much.

The "Strategic thinker" - its a graduate favourite to claim strategic thought and then fail on simple market entry case studies.

"Advanced level at (insert every computer program imaginable here)" - I cant recall someone telling me they are intermediate or basic at something like Excel. Everyone is advanced, until, of course, they see advanced.

Sep 3, 2015

As far as the advanced level part I completely agree and never put that kind of stuff on a resume. I can see how some would argue that they put it on there because some job postings have things like "experience in MS office required" quite often.

Sep 3, 2015

To me, any "investing experience" on resume without a thesis is BS to me, no matter how young or old the person is. Example: "generated a 60% return on a portfolio of 50,000 USD in a one-year horizon". Issues with this one: 1. time horizon too short to judge alpha-generation ability 2. what did that person buy in the portfolio? (if that person says GILD or FB, without even knowing in detail why, that person is just herding, not investing). The 50,000 USD is fine actually.

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Sep 4, 2015

"Never give info on behalf of shareholders" lol.

Sep 4, 2015

" So I asked in a non-confrontational way if I could see his resume so I could know more of what to put. "

He showed you his resume to presumably "help" you out and then you go post on here making fun of him.

Got it.

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Sep 4, 2015

If you actually read the whole thing I just wanted to see it because I knew more than likely it was full of shit.

Sep 4, 2015
Human Capital:

If you actually read the whole thing I just wanted to see it because I knew more than likely it was full of shit.

yes but he didnt know that. He let you see it assuming you wanted to look at it in good faith...................

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Sep 4, 2015

Well here comes a startup to solve this problem but focused more on tech side.

https://www.techinasia.com/cloudswyft-it-recruitme...

Sep 18, 2015

From some recent resume reviews ...

"My time as an intern at [company] provided me with absolutely invaluable opportunities to leverage those skills at [different company.]"
Extra emphasis on the word invaluable to describe your typical, 'get coffee, check my calendar' freshman year internship.

My favorite, though, is when people list 5+ languages on their resume and it goes a little something like this:
Language skills: Fluent in English, Chinese (basic), Spanish (basic), Arabic (basic), Latin (basic), Ancient Greek (basic), Russian (basic)

Interests: burlesque, Africana existentialism

Jan 15, 2020

"Interests: burlesque"

... would consider.

Sep 11, 2015

To follow along with some of the posts on this thread, the person that should receive the most interest on their resume should have in bold print...

"Extremely willing to shut the hell up and listen to all direction, which shall then be diligently converted to work product in the exact order directed"

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Sep 11, 2015

When people put that they "spearheaded" the "charity efforts" of their greek org. Congratulations, you've shown that you can sit at a table in the plaza for a couple hours with a crappy sign that you made while hungover and try to sell T-shirts that nobody wants or realistically wears for $20.

Incoming Spring Discovery Day Participant at J.P. Morgan Stanley

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  • Anonymous Monkey
  •  Sep 14, 2015

Advanced proficiency in Microsoft Excel - only knows CTRL-C and CTRL-V shortcuts

"Built fully functional operating model, merger model, DCF, and LBO..." at previous internship. Couldn't balance a simple balance sheet and half assed DCF.

"Personal trader" with triple digit returns from simulator

Jan 2, 2020

Guy listed relevant coursework and one class was listed as venture capitalism...

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Jan 3, 2020

Your point? I took "Private Equity - LBOs" while I was in college.

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  • Intern in IB - Gen
Jan 10, 2020

Class was probably called Venture Capital

Jan 3, 2020

The greatest I have ever seen while interviewing interns at my bank was:

  • 2 months at a consulting firm and 6 bullet points explaining how he contributed to 6 different projects

Pls, if you havent been for more than 1 year, dont ever think of putting more than 3 bullet points per work, try to make it simple to read, you wont gain extra points for making your cv longer, and yes, it makes it tedious to read, so you will lose attention from the beggining if what you state is not meaningful

Jan 15, 2020

Just saw this on Linkedin:

Imgur

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Jan 16, 2020

You guys laugh, but you'd be surprised of how many of those things are actually considered as positive by HR. That's where the problem lies.

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Jan 16, 2020

Interesting... Could you elaborate on that?

Array

Jan 16, 2020

One major problem is that HR has absolutely no idea of what exactly the job they are doing the screening for is. They certainly know the description that is given by the department, but if you asked them what does the dep do, they don't know.

So how does HR screening work? By looking for keywords. (This has been partly automated and it makes you understand how clueless HR is, if they can be effectively replaced by a machine). They look for something that includes enough keywords that match the description of the job they are screening for.

Thus the more bullshit overblown experiences, the better. Started a dozen of startups? ''It shows initiative!''.

It's not even an easy problem to solve, because HR does mostly thankless work that noone with ambition wants to do.

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Jan 16, 2020

I was part of a investment club and I was the newest and youngest there, they all put excel junkie on their resume....and landed jobs and internships from it.

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  • Quant in HF - Other
Jan 16, 2020

If you list poker as an interest on your CV you better know how to talk about it or you'll look like a fucking clown.

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Jan 16, 2020
Dean Keaton:

If you list poker as an interest on your CV you better know how to talk about it or you'll look like a fucking clown.

Depending on the position bughouse chess may be the preferred sport. I hear that they live for it over at Jane Street. Personally, I can't find anyone at work to play it with.

Not a resume, but in an interview for a graduate internship (and a very well paying one) one of the candidates spent about 15 minutes talking about how getting his black belt in karate had taught him discipline and how to succeed through hard work. ...suffice to say that he did not get the offer.

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Jan 17, 2020

really don't see what is wrong with this

Jan 16, 2020

One of my buddies I grew up with listed "9 years customer service experience" as a 21 year old because he worked 2 customer service jobs at the same time... gotta love public relations majors.

Jan 17, 2020
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Jan 18, 2020
Jan 19, 2020