Four Loko Is the DevilST
I'm looking to hear from the college monkeys today, and any Streeters that fall into the "bro" category who might have an opinion on the matter. For the past few weeks I've been hearing about Four Loko and all the ways it's hastening the decline of Western Civilization, and I need to know if this stuff is legit. The latest news is that it is being blamed in the alcohol poisoning of several CWU students earlier this month, prompting the Washington state Attorney General to call for a statewide ban on Four Loko (and others like it, to be fair).
Dubbed "Blackout in a Can" and "Liquid Cocaine", it has taken college campuses by storm since its 2009 introduction, and a few schools have already banned the heady brew. A potent mix of alcohol and caffeine, Four Loko drinkers are clocking BAC's up to .40 in hospital emergency rooms nationwide. A Facebook Fan Page has sprung up with lurid tales of Four Loko debauchery, the Yale Daily News has a hilarious piece on it, and Four Loko chug videos are all over YouTube.
One fan of the beverage, who requested anonymity because he's afraid of Goldman, said of the Watermelon variety: "it smells like a jolly rancher, tastes like a butthole."
Indeed, many of those who have tasted the beverage describe it similarly. It's like some sort of rotten fruit mixed with battery acid, though some flavors taste better than others, according to Alison Greenberg.
"The cranberry lemonade tastes the least like a bodily function," she went on to say, adding that watermelon flavor is "deceivingly awful."
The appeal must not, then, be the taste.
Another fan, who also requested anonymity because she’s afraid of Goldman, said the beverage grants a different sort of drunk than drinking three light beers or taking three one-ounce shots of hard liquor.
“You get way drunker... an ‘I dont remember what the fuck happened kind of drunk,’” she said.
So is this stuff for real? It's approaching the level of bona fide cultural phenomenon, and all this bad press has to be fantastic for sales. How many of these have you put down at one time? Any good "stabbed my roommate in the neck and then blacked out" stories? In my younger and less prudent days, my crew and I would have probably referred to this stuff as "LPR". Anyone have anything to report on that front?
Is it just another fad, or does it really signal the End Times? Banning it seems kinda ridiculous to me, but what do you guys think? How badass would it be to order a Four Loko during happy hour with an MD?
And why isn't it available in France, dammit?!?!