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It's the season to be jolly, and some of us take that a little too far sometimes...

So I thought it'd be good to confess, retell and share the stories of vomiting Analysts, passed out MDs and sexy PAs from this festive season's work Christmas parties, or the ones of years gone by.

Two out of three of our work parties have fortunately passed for me so far, with my current wrap sheet looking something like this:

  • rugby tackling a VP in the middle of the restaurant we'd hired out. I think this happened sometime between pudding and the cheese course
  • inverting the cheese board onto the lap of the Ops girl who was sitting next to me
  • thinking that the French have it all wrong and deciding that wine and port should in fact be mixed as wine glass sized shots

I've got one more party left in a country whose language I don't speak, this could be interesting......so far no serious repercussions though, party on!!

1

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Comments (78)

  • Unforseen's picture

    two ops girls making out at the after party was the highlight of my office christmas party night

  • Kenny Powers's picture

    last year (as an intern, non-finance company) i had a boss' boss tell me she wanted to set me up with her daughter. then she tried to dance with me all night, fucking awkward as hell. so painful i am getting uncomfortable thinking about it. until i left in the spring no one i worked with let a day pass without reminding me.

    My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.

  • Kenny Powers's picture

    also, same party, some guy came out of the closet.

    My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.

  • neilol's picture

    Kenny Powers:
    she tried to dance with me all night, fucking awkward as hell. so painful i am getting uncomfortable thinking about it.

    Kenny Powers:
    also, same party, some guy came out of the closet.

    It was you wasn't it

  • In reply to neilol
    Kenny Powers's picture

    neilol:
    Kenny Powers:
    she tried to dance with me all night, fucking awkward as hell. so painful i am getting uncomfortable thinking about it.

    Kenny Powers:
    also, same party, some guy came out of the closet.

    It was you wasn't it

    ;-)

    My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.

  • greengohome's picture

    Hopefully somebody has some better stories as mine is pretty boring.

    My first job, working part time while I was finishing my thesis. A small financial consulting firm specialized in the electrical sector, two partners, both of whom had gotten rich with privatizations of electrical companies in Latin America. We'll call them G and P. P had also sold a television talk show he developed and knows a lot of Chilean celebs.

    P closes a restaurant he owns near the office to hold the party. Everything is great, R has invited some people who work at the production company, and a smoking hot hostess who is managing another restaurant he owns. Food and drink was had by all. As the evening progresses and we all get drunker:

    Chilean actress appears, sits on G's lap and starts licking his ear while he smokes a Cuban and leers at all of the female analysts. Chilean actress is not G's wife.

    P grabs a female analysts ass. Twice. She resigns the next day.

    No harm no foul, I guess. Other than that, my holiday parties barely bear mentioning.

  • Asatar's picture

    Ours is coming up this week - will update accordingly :)

  • Champs46's picture

    Mine hasn't happened yet this year, but the CEO stepping over a guy passed out on the dance floor in a previous year was pretty good. At my buddy's company, ambulances were called in the middle of the party to take 2 people who were basically comatose to the hospital.

  • In reply to greengohome
    prospie's picture

    greengohome:
    Hopefully somebody has some better stories as mine is pretty boring.

    My first job, working part time while I was finishing my thesis. A small financial consulting firm specialized in the electrical sector, two partners, both of whom had gotten rich with privatizations of electrical companies in Latin America. We'll call them G and P. P had also sold a television talk show he developed and knows a lot of Chilean celebs.

    P closes a restaurant he owns near the office to hold the party. Everything is great, R has invited some people who work at the production company, and a smoking hot hostess who is managing another restaurant he owns. Food and drink was had by all. As the evening progresses and we all get drunker:

    Chilean actress appears, sits on G's lap and starts licking his ear while he smokes a Cuban and leers at all of the female analysts. Chilean actress is not G's wife.

    P grabs a female analysts ass. Twice. She resigns the next day.

    No harm no foul, I guess. Other than that, my holiday parties barely bear mentioning.


    Personally, I think this is solid. People, don't be scared off by all the "not impressed" assholes - I want to hear more of these. My holiday parties have been the most boring shit ever.
  • ladubs111's picture

    Ya mine is more like eat, drink, chat it up for a few hours, go home.....Why can't i join a fraternity culture office...

  • lulzbanker's picture

    ours got cancelled this year...

  • redrut's picture

    My dad and the company accountant went to Applebees last year. My dad had the steak even though he takes statins

    1percentblog.com

  • Bismarck's picture

    Friend of mine works for a Tech company (Apple/Microsoft/Google) and they hired out a massive club for the night.

    Halfway through, friend of mine discovers a turd on the dancefloor.

    No-one has any idea how it got there though.

  • In reply to Bismarck
    SirTradesaLot's picture

    Bismarck:
    Friend of mine works for a Tech company (Apple/Microsoft/Google) and they hired out a massive club for the night.

    Halfway through, friend of mine discovers a turd on the dancefloor.

    No-one has any idea how it got there though.


    Maybe it was a Baby Ruth?

    adapt or die:
    What would P.T. Barnum say about you?

    MY BLOG

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  • JulianWells's picture

    last year one of the first years blacked out, threw up on the bar and was taken home and put in bed personally by our group's COO. after she put him in bed she went to his kitchen and got him a glass of water. when she came back to his room he was completely naked and had thrown up on himself.

  • In reply to JulianWells
    Cries's picture

    JulianWells:
    last year one of the first years blacked out, threw up on the bar and was taken home and put in bed personally by our group's COO. after she put him in bed she went to his kitchen and got him a glass of water. when she came back to his room he was completely naked and had thrown up on himself.

    This one killed me. I cant stop laughing. Well done.

    My xmas party is next week. Also have to go to my gf's this weekend. Theyre both going to be boring as shit.

  • CompBanker's picture

    Years ago had the police come to break up the holiday party because it was late and the party was deemed too noisy. An analyst got arrested for telling the cops offs. HR bailed him out of jail the next morning. He was given a 3rd year offer and a top tier bonus just a few weeks later.

    CompBanker

  • Zargo's picture

    This was actually at my ex gf's firm's christmas party that she took me along too.

    Everyone had these little place holders with their names on it around the table and on each one there was some little bullshit question that was supposed to help create conversation or something, I don't know. Well there was an open bar so I was already pretty lit by the time we sit down to eat. Everyone sits and gf's boss goes, "Well why don't we start with you, Zargo" and I'm like "uhhhh start what?" and my gf points to the card, I can tell she is already getting kind of frustrated with me. So the question is, "Who is your favorite historical figure?" and I'm like "What the fuck, I don't even like history?" so I just try and think of the first person to come to my mind and I blurt out "Adolf Hitler", then I think it's hilarious and start giggling to myself. Finally look around the table and everyone is staring at me. No one else is laughing. gf's nails are digging into my leg.

    We broke up shortly after that.

  • yeahright's picture

    Hahahah thats great ^

    And we just had ours recently (BB) and it was pretty lackluster. Shots were not allowed to be poured and overall pretty boring. Plus no guests were allowed so it was the same people I always see. But I did hear about some good stories from back in the hayday. One guy told me about how they had midgets come and perform, that was interesting.

    Frank Sinatra - "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy."

  • In reply to JulianWells
    above_and_beyond's picture

    JulianWells:
    last year one of the first years blacked out, threw up on the bar and was taken home and put in bed personally by our group's COO. after she put him in bed she went to his kitchen and got him a glass of water. when she came back to his room he was completely naked and had thrown up on himself.

    hahaha, awesome

  • In reply to Bismarck
    MissNG's picture

    Bismarck:
    Friend of mine works for a Tech company (Apple/Microsoft/Google) and they hired out a massive club for the night.

    Halfway through, friend of mine discovers a turd on the dancefloor.

    No-one has any idea how it got there though.

    I lol'ed.

    "Dont compromise yourself; you're all you've got" - Janis Joplin

  • In reply to JulianWells
    APAE's picture

    JulianWells:
    last year one of the first years blacked out, threw up on the bar and was taken home and put in bed personally by our group's COO. after she put him in bed she went to his kitchen and got him a glass of water. when she came back to his room he was completely naked and had thrown up on himself.
    I can't stop laughing, don't know why. Reminds me of a very similar story from college with a pledge during hell week.

    Most people do things to add days to their life. I do things to add life to my days.

    Browse my blog as a WSO contributing author

  • Working9-5's picture

    A few years back:
    Flew in people from MO and BO just so we could put a face to the voice on the other side. Ended up with a chick from MO getting wasted, trying to hook up with all the VPs before she passed out butt-naked in the supply room. She hasn't returned to a single office party since.

    This year:
    Found bright pink dildos glued to the top of every screen on my row. That's what you get for calling HR a bunch of dickheads, but kudos to the guy who actually went out and bought all those dildos.

    Every year:
    Getting shitfaced and trying to get the people that has to work (Asian and US market hours) drunk. Having a steady flow of pizza comming in the next day, curtesy of the head of trading.

    CNBC sucks

    "This financial crisis is worse than a divorce. I've lost all my money, but the wife is still here." - Client after getting blown up

  • In reply to JulianWells
    Going Concern's picture

    JulianWells:
    last year one of the first years blacked out, threw up on the bar and was taken home and put in bed personally by our group's COO. after she put him in bed she went to his kitchen and got him a glass of water. when she came back to his room he was completely naked and had thrown up on himself.

    Hahahaha. As I was reading this and trying to visualize the situation, for some strange reason I recalled that scene from Rushmore (which by the way is a great film) where the 15-year old protagnist wants to get a smooch+ from a schoolteacher so he arrives at her house, pretends to have gotten hit by a car and has covered his head with fake blood, and crawls into her bed.

    "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."

    "Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent."

  • olafenizer's picture

    Mine had a bunch of drunk Germans dancing to ABBA. I guess that's what I get for working in a foreign office.

  • Californicated88's picture

    Holiday Party at the boutique I worked at before transitioning to PE...

    Cool Thing - We were at the same restaurant that Mark Zuckerberg happened to be at that night for some reason. A few beers deep, I gave Zuck a "what's up" nod as we passed each other on the way to the bathroom. My gesture was not returned...

    Funny Thing - Later in the night, when the tequila shots had been brought out, I was pretty hammered and trying to get everyone to do shots with me. I go up to the managing partner of the firm (who rarely drank and whose tab this was on) and tried to get him to take one with me. Much to my chagrin, he would not oblige. So I exclaimed, "Cmon! It's an open bar - they're FREE!" Immediately realized my mistake as everyone started laughing their asses off...

    He took the shot though!

    Also - not at a holiday party, but at my new firm I ICED one of the Partners. He iced me back...

  • therealweinstein's picture

    Last Xmas:

    MD got drunk and started bragging about being a Harvard ug. Long story short, we hear about his "experimentation" with men.

    There is a video of his reaction to a video of him saying all of this. Funny. Shit your pants funny.

  • In reply to therealweinstein
    SirTradesaLot's picture

    therealweinstein:
    Last Xmas:

    MD got drunk and started bragging about being a Harvard ug. Long story short, we hear about his "experimentation" with men.

    There is a video of his reaction to a video of him saying all of this. Funny. Shit your pants funny.


    Ha-ha, classic. Moral of the story: don't drink too much at corporate events. Second, and possibly more important, moral of the story: don't drink too much at corporate events if you are a closeted homosexual who doesn't want to come out to your colleagues at the Christmas party.

    adapt or die:
    What would P.T. Barnum say about you?

    MY BLOG

  • In reply to Bismarck
    VanillaGorilla's picture

    Bismarck:
    Friend of mine works for a Tech company (Apple/Microsoft/Google) and they hired out a massive club for the night.

    Halfway through, friend of mine discovers a turd on the dancefloor.

    No-one has any idea how it got there though.

    This happened in my apartment once. Just replace "dance floor" with "living room floor". We always had a lot of people crash at our place because we were so close to the bars. I woke up the next day and there was a single turd in the middle of the room. No one would own up to it....

  • In reply to VanillaGorilla
    Western's picture

    VanillaGorilla:
    Bismarck:
    Friend of mine works for a Tech company (Apple/Microsoft/Google) and they hired out a massive club for the night.

    Halfway through, friend of mine discovers a turd on the dancefloor.

    No-one has any idea how it got there though.

    This happened in my apartment once. Just replace "dance floor" with "living room floor". We always had a lot of people crash at our place because we were so close to the bars. I woke up the next day and there was a single turd in the middle of the room. No one would own up to it....

    Reminds me of the "who pooped the bed?" episode of It's Always Sunny.

  • CaR's picture

    Just had ours Friday, was a blast. Formal dinner and open bar at the 4 Seasons. Nothing specific from the night stands out, but I cant emphasize enough how interesting it is to see certain people out of the office setting. Literally the last people in the firm I'd expect just absolutely mangled, I love it

  • bbballer's picture

    This happened to me the first year as an analyst:
    - Got hammered at the Christmas party doing shots with the VP from another office whom I worked with on two deals
    - On the way to the toilet stumbled into a table shattering two bottles of champaign, ripped my shirt and started bleeding
    - Hid in the toilet for 30 minutes to avoid getting kicked out
    - Caught by the bouncer on the way out, our whole group was kicked out, luckily the most senior guys had already gone home
    - Went to a second party with the remaining group, was kicked out after starting a fight with two guys trying to speak to our assistants
    - Tried to get a cab in rain / snow for one hour, impossible as no one wanted to drive a drunk retard in a bloody shirt home
    - A taxi stopped with above VP, asked if I needed a ride, I ended passing out in his hotel room
    - Arrived at work at 11am the next day, the group md walked up to my desk, I was certain I was going to get fired, he was just laughing his ass off asking if I had a good time...

    This is 100% based on a true story, funny thing the VP and I are still very good friends, he was my key reference for my new gig

  • financenerdDC's picture

    Back when i was in consulting...
    - tickets to the company party (aka "prom") would sell on craigslist for $100 (open bar/food/tons of drunk 22-30 yr olds)
    - CEO was making a bullshit speech about how great the company was doing while someone was being taken by paramedics for alcohol poisoning
    - turns out our company got banned from hosting at any smithsonian museums

    a finance monkey from the mean streets of downtown dc

  • Hoogers's picture

    I intern at a PWM, for their xmas party they only invited their top tier clients, I wanted to use it almost as a networking event. I decided to take several shots of whiskey before I went in to take the edge off, this was first my mistake since I can't stop drinking once I start. I walked through the front doors and right to the bar. Grabbed a few brews each for the date and I. The bar was only beer and wine, so few of the younger people and I went to my car and took more whiskey shots in the parking lot, an even worse mistake. Proceeded to the dance floor. Ditched my date and started trying to fuck the partners' wives (yes plural), got rejected. Tried to fuck the VP of a well known insurance firm, got rejected. Decided it was time to try to fuck the hot assistant, she had been in the bathroom awhile, so I went in there to see what she was doing. The owner's wife was in there along with several other old rich ladies, they yelled in disbelief until I exited. Saw a couple of the partners coming towards me, I grabbed my date and bailed. Luckily she was hammered also, or else she would never have let me stay the night with her after those events. Today I went into work with my head down in shame, only to receive a fist bump from the richest of the partners (the only single one) saying he liked my style. Everyone else just thought I was an idiot, but let it go because I am young and stupid. I will never drink a company party again.

  • In reply to Hoogers
    Cruncharoo's picture

    Hoogers:

    You are awesome and this is awesome.

    This to all my hatin' folks seeing me getting guac right now..

  • In reply to Hoogers
    Cruncharoo's picture

    Hoogers:
    Decided it was time to try to fuck the hot assistant, she had been in the bathroom awhile, so I went in there to see what she was doing.

    And even though I am not drunk right now I can totally understand your drunk logic, could see myself taking the same approach. "I think she was giving me the eyes earlier and she has been in the bathroom for 30 minutes, she must be in there waiting for me to come hook up with her." Perfect.

    This to all my hatin' folks seeing me getting guac right now..

  • Hoogers's picture

    Cruncharoo:
    Hoogers:
    Decided it was time to try to fuck the hot assistant, she had been in the bathroom awhile, so I went in there to see what she was doing.

    And even though I am not drunk right now I can totally understand your drunk logic, could see myself taking the same approach. "I think she was giving me the eyes earlier and she has been in the bathroom for 30 minutes, she must be in there waiting for me to come hook up with her." Perfect.

    Haha unfortunately that is exactly what I was thinking.

  • In reply to Hoogers
    SirTradesaLot's picture

    Hoogers:
    I intern at a PWM, for their xmas party they only invited their top tier clients, I wanted to use it almost as a networking event. I decided to take several shots of whiskey before I went in to take the edge off, this was first my mistake since I can't stop drinking once I start. I walked through the front doors and right to the bar. Grabbed a few brews each for the date and I. The bar was only beer and wine, so few of the younger people and I went to my car and took more whiskey shots in the parking lot, an even worse mistake. Proceeded to the dance floor. Ditched my date and started trying to fuck the partners' wives (yes plural), got rejected. Tried to fuck the VP of a well known insurance firm, got rejected. Decided it was time to try to fuck the hot assistant, she had been in the bathroom awhile, so I went in there to see what she was doing. The owner's wife was in there along with several other old rich ladies, they yelled in disbelief until I exited. Saw a couple of the partners coming towards me, I grabbed my date and bailed. Luckily she was hammered also, or else she would never have let me stay the night with her after those events. Today I went into work with my head down in shame, only to receive a fist bump from the richest of the partners (the only single one) saying he liked my style. Everyone else just thought I was an idiot, but let it go because I am young and stupid. I will never drink a company party again.

    Holy shit, that is classic.

    adapt or die:
    What would P.T. Barnum say about you?

    MY BLOG

  • sayandarula's picture

    my story is pretty tame in comparison to some of these, but here goes...

    it wasn't a "holiday party" per se. rather it was late december, the day before my company goes on a 2 week shut down for the holidays (i'm at a f500 tech firm). hardly anyone is in the office: my boss and anyone i support are already out on vacation.

    my coworker and i go out to grab lunch at the brewery next door... we compliment our food with a couple of glasses of belgian ale each. at this point, i decide that i want to try the strongest beer on the menu, and see something called "He'brew Jew-bilation 15", at a whopping 15% abv. i order it thinking it would come in a belgian style ale glass, but instead they bring me a tall bottle. i finish it and walk back to work. yeah... i was pretty hammered. i go back to work, check a few emails, and start bothering the receptionist with ridiculous requests. the IT guy comes around and tells me that "i have that lock dock for were looking for"... i responded by telling him that i found it amusing that "lock dock" rhymed with "cock dock". keep in mind that nobody else has been drinking so everybody in the office thinks i'm an asshole.

    after, i stumble to the train station, pass out on the train, wake up in the wrong city, and throw up everywhere (on the train). somehow manage to get home. i would have been in serious shit if anyone important was around... dodged that bullet.

    Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

  • In reply to Hoogers
    APAE's picture

    Hoogers:
    Let me be the first to give you an SB. Classic, classic, classic.

    Most people do things to add days to their life. I do things to add life to my days.

    Browse my blog as a WSO contributing author

  • Hoogers's picture

    APAE:
    Hoogers:
    Let me be the first to give you an SB. Classic, classic, classic.

    I thank you my friend, I had been wanting an SB for awhile. But if you guys look I even posted a little over a week ago whether I should even bring a date, since I was serious about getting some solid contacts. The only networking I did was asking the VP if she wanted to come home with me... which was obviously her fault for being hot. So for anyone with a lack of self-control that hasn't been to a company party yet, heed my advice: don't drink.

  • In reply to Hoogers
    SirTradesaLot's picture

    Hoogers:
    I decided to take several shots of whiskey before I went in to take the edge off, this was first my mistake since I can't stop drinking once I start.

    +1. I also want to let you know that in 10 years (+/-5 years), odds are that you will recognize that you are an alcoholic. Most likely, you will be a high functioning alcoholic, but you heard it here first. The inability to stop drinking is the first sign of fhe problem. While your story is hilarious, it will become a problem for you if you don't cut back or stop drinking.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-functioning_alco...

    adapt or die:
    What would P.T. Barnum say about you?

    MY BLOG

  • Hoogers's picture

    SirTradesaLot:
    Hoogers:
    I decided to take several shots of whiskey before I went in to take the edge off, this was first my mistake since I can't stop drinking once I start.

    +1. I also want to let you know that in 10 years (+/-5 years), odds are that you will recognize that you are an alcoholic. Most likely, you will be a high functioning alcoholic, but you heard it here first. The inability to stop drinking is the first sign of fhe problem. While your story is hilarious, it will become a problem for you if you don't cut back or stop drinking.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-functioning_alco...

    Holy shit every bullet from #1 of that link describes me perfectly. Luckily I don't have to face alcoholism until I graduate, because only then is it frowned upon. But thanks to you also SirTradesaLot for the SB.

  • In reply to Hoogers
    oreos's picture

    Hoogers:
    SirTradesaLot:
    Hoogers:
    I decided to take several shots of whiskey before I went in to take the edge off, this was first my mistake since I can't stop drinking once I start.

    +1. I also want to let you know that in 10 years (+/-5 years), odds are that you will recognize that you are an alcoholic. Most likely, you will be a high functioning alcoholic, but you heard it here first. The inability to stop drinking is the first sign of fhe problem. While your story is hilarious, it will become a problem for you if you don't cut back or stop drinking.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-functioning_alco...

    Holy shit every bullet from #1 of that link describes me perfectly. Luckily I don't have to face alcoholism until I graduate, because only then is it frowned upon. But thanks to you also SirTradesaLot for the SB.


    "...risky sexual behavior...", please elaborate.

    "After you work on Wall Street it's a choice, would you rather work at McDonalds or on the sell-side? I would choose McDonalds over the sell-side." - David Tepper

  • Hoogers's picture

    Oreos:
    Hoogers:
    SirTradesaLot:
    Hoogers:
    I decided to take several shots of whiskey before I went in to take the edge off, this was first my mistake since I can't stop drinking once I start.

    +1. I also want to let you know that in 10 years (+/-5 years), odds are that you will recognize that you are an alcoholic. Most likely, you will be a high functioning alcoholic, but you heard it here first. The inability to stop drinking is the first sign of fhe problem. While your story is hilarious, it will become a problem for you if you don't cut back or stop drinking.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-functioning_alco...

    Holy shit every bullet from #1 of that link describes me perfectly. Luckily I don't have to face alcoholism until I graduate, because only then is it frowned upon. But thanks to you also SirTradesaLot for the SB.


    "...risky sexual behavior...", please elaborate.

    No glove, no problem..... I will have many regrets when I'm older.

  • earthwalker7's picture

    So this is not perhaps the debauchery I wish it were (for the purpose of this thread) but...

    I work in China PE. The tradition for Chinese New Year is to drink 'bai jiu' literally 'white alcohol' which is essentially distilled rocket fuel. It is a kick to the head and the 'nads at the same time. Think vodka, but less smooth and much higher alcohol content. Couple this with needing to toast each and every single MD and VP, and suddenly you have a recipe for alcohol poisoning and / or craziness. We toast, joke, arm wrestle, etc. But the challenging thing is - we do this at lunch time, and we still have to go back to work after. So at this firm, year after year it's the same scene. Dozens of toasts of rocket fuel liquor, walking into walls, then back to your desk to try to crank out some work. And every year I close my eyes, I swear just for a second, and then snap awake with my face firmly planted and drooling on the keyboard, my document augmented with a long line of "ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp"

  • overpaid_overworked's picture

    Our christmas party ended when one of the young traders got blackout drunk and started swinging at anyone in range. Four people showed up to the office on friday with black eyes, and they're not sure who gave them out. Once the kid started swinging, some people took the opportunity to take a few free ones at anyone that pissed them off that year.

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