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Wall Street Oasis » Blogs » Aaron Burr's blog
< previous | next >

What Does Your Drink Say About You? Part II
 

Aaron Burr's picture
Aaron Burr
      PE
 
 
(Gorilla, 558
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 11:00am
Thumbs-Up-Suit1.jpg

mod note (Andy) see part one here

The breeze is brisk, the Starbucks cups are red, and the sidewalks of New York City are crowded body-to-body with packs of overweight tourists and kids on leashes. With football season in full swing and the winter doldrums looming large, summer days spent slamming beers at The Standard beer garden are but a distant memory. The holiday season is upon us, and while investment banking analysts across Wall Street are girding for a fiscal cliff-induced Christmas deal staffing special, a hint of holiday cheer hangs around the bullpen. That’s because around this time of year, junior investment bankers celebrate a Wall Street tradition as hallowed as the almighty 100-page Strategic Alternatives pitch. Monkeys rejoice – it’s Holiday Party season.

See if you can recognize any of these characters at your firm’s mid-December soiree:


    The Craft Beer

    Sam Adams Winter Ale? None of that for this guy. Craft Beer guy is probably the closest thing to a hipster banker. While everyone else is greedily slurping down Jack & Cokes and ripping tequila shots, Craft Beer guy is asking the bartender if they’ve got any Delirium Tremens in the back fridge. Craft beer guy loves drinking Belgian Trappist from a goblet, and sneers at the simple sacks who drink pale American swill. When Bud Light Guy calls him out for being an obnoxious fartsniffer, he comes back with something along the lines of “I’m drinking 8% ABV abbey ale, you are drinking hog piss.” In a way, he’s right – but who cares?


    The Vodka Soda

Don't care what season it is

    Ever see that Ketel One commercial where all the dudes in suits are drinking vodka-rocks like it’s Johnnie Blue? That is not this guy. Hiding behind the curtain of flavorlessness is a problem binge drinker. It’s snowing outside and you go with a frosty, alcoholic Perrier. Is it because the squeeze of lime is just so refreshing on a late November evening? No. It’s because, like water, one can chug vodka soda by the gallon. One sure indication that it’s no longer summertime? People are drinking vodka soda sans straw. If you see Vodka Soda guy, give him some encouragement, then order him a double – he’s trying to catch up.


    The Old Fashioned

    With the exploding popularity of mixology bars, bartenders at regular-ass bars are seeing more and more of Mister Old Fashioned. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with this fantastic whiskey libation, ordering an Old Fashioned at your average open bar is like ordering seafood at a fast-food joint. You want Four Roses? You’re getting Early Times. You want seared ahi? You’re getting a fucking Filet-O-Fish. There’s a time and a place for specialty cocktails, and unless your holiday party is at Please Don’t Tell, you should probably stick to the basics. Look out for Mister Old Fashioned bitching to the bartender about using a shaker instead of a swizzle stick.


    The Eggnog

Swizzle my nizzle

    Nothing screams “I’m only having one drink then I’m heading back to the office!!!!” more than ordering a “festive” cocktail. Oh yeah, make this one really count, make it in with the season! Make it special! Gosh, you’re so fun! The fact that you made it out and enjoyed a pop with the rest of the gang totally makes up for the fact that you’re going to sneak off in five minutes because you “forgot your Blackberry at your desk.” You are making the rest of us feel a combination of 1) sad for you because you’re too tied up to enjoy yourself, 2) sad for ourselves because blacking out and puking at a work party is the biggest thrill we’ve had in months, and 3) offended that you would dare to break rank and not black out with the rest of us. Damn you and your self-righteous ways, Eggnog drinker. Why can’t you just make a fool of yourself like everyone else?


    The Scotch on the Rocks

    This is a man with a plan. A wily veteran. Whether it’s a smoky Lagavulin or a rotten apple juice Chivas, scotch is a sippin’ drink. Neat or on the rocks, doesn’t matter. The Scotch drinker keeps a steady pace – because he knows the night is long. He isn’t the first to start dancing on the bar or to make a pass at the group head’s assistant (see Vodka Red Bull guy), but he may be the last. Scotch on the Rocks guy knows that the open bar at the holiday party is the just the first of several venues. If you’re trying to make it an epic one (and who isn’t), keep close to Scotch on the Rocks guy – he will end up leading the whole party out and about around the city, from the bar, to the club, to the gentlemen’s club, to the cigar lounge, to the after-hours party. Too cool to stay out late? Go hang out with Eggnog.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Send holiday party invitations to [email protected]

See my other WSO blog posts
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Tags:
  • wall street culture
  • Investment Banking
  • holiday party
  • drinks
  • Bars

Comments

Nakaldun7913's picture

As a scotch drinker, SB for

Nakaldun7913
      O
 
(Senior Monkey, 76
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 10:58am

As a scotch drinker, SB for you.

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Unforseen's picture

wow, if your assessment is

Unforseen
     
 
 
(King Kong, 1,099
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 11:16am

wow, if your assessment is correct, half my office is closet alcoholics (vodka sodas flow here like water from the water cooler)

Check out my Blog

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Kenny Powers's picture

Jim Beam on the rocks

Kenny Powers
      O
 
(Senior Gorilla, 858
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 11:50am

Jim Beam on the rocks

pick em, lick em, stick em

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AndyLouis's picture

great stuff thanks burr,

AndyLouis
     
 
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,808
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 12:09pm

great stuff thanks burr, whiskey / rocks for me plz

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My story | Connect with me on Linkedin.

2013 WSO Conference

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wolverine19x89's picture

I like good beer, craft beers

wolverine19x89
      O
 
(King Kong, 1,845
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 12:17pm

I like good beer, craft beers tend to be better than mass produced water-beer (though I'll drink the hell out of Bud Light if it's all I got). I hate hipsters :(

My drink pretty much becomes what I've been drinking lately. When I start drinking whiskey or rum for a couple days, I don't even think about beer... and vice versa.

If your dreams don't scare you, then they are not big enough.

"There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars."-Louis C.K.

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kmzz's picture

as a vodka drinker id have to

kmzz
      O
 
(Senior Gorilla, 758
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 12:21pm

as a vodka drinker id have to say this assessment is correct. although i hold the soda until halfway through the night

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BTbanker's picture

Your writing style is superb.

BTbanker
      IB
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,331
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 12:29pm

Your writing style is superb. Please take over Matt Levine's spot over at Dealbreaker. You and Bess would revolutionize finance blogs.

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

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MindOverMonkey's picture

You yanks need to drink more

MindOverMonkey
      IB
 
(Baboon, 159
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 12:34pm

You yanks need to drink more bourbon. A nice bourbon and coke or bourbon on the rocks is the way to go.

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Going Concern's picture

Can't I still be Martini Guy

Going Concern
     
 
 
(King Kong, 1,689
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 12:52pm

Can't I still be Martini Guy through the holiday season? I'm not going to let a bunch of discarded evergreen conifers and fat bearded men without a full color palette change who I am. Extra olives please.

And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time

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Aaron Burr's picture

Going Concern: Can't I still

Aaron Burr
      PE
 
 
(Gorilla, 558
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 1:00pm
Going Concern:

Can't I still be Martini Guy through the holiday season? I'm not going to let a bunch of discarded evergreen conifers and fat bearded men without a full color palette change who I am. Extra olives please.

Ah, the sophisticate cousin of Vodka Soda guy. A breath of vermouth and a pair of bleu cheese jumbos.

See my other WSO blog posts

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Aaron Burr's picture

Kenny Powers: Jim Beam on the

Aaron Burr
      PE
 
 
(Gorilla, 558
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 1:02pm
Kenny Powers:

Jim Beam on the rocks

You are an absolute hooligan - and I admire that.

See my other WSO blog posts

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AndyLouis's picture

BTbanker: Your writing style

AndyLouis
     
 
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,808
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 1:14pm
BTbanker:

Your writing style is superb. Please take over Matt Levine's spot over at Dealbreaker. You and Bess would revolutionize finance blogs.

or better yet bess should come over here...

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My story | Connect with me on Linkedin.

2013 WSO Conference

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nyc123's picture

Hipsters drink PBR, they

nyc123
     
 
(Baboon, 148
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 1:23pm

Hipsters drink PBR, they don't drink Chimay. Though I will admit there is an air of "what? you've never heard of this brewery before? I've been drinking this for years" with people who love craft beer. Also, despite their "popularity", Sam Adams is still very much a craft beer ... they hold only ~1% of the total US market share

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BTbanker's picture

AndyLouis: BTbanker: Your

BTbanker
      IB
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,331
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 1:24pm
AndyLouis:
BTbanker:

Your writing style is superb. Please take over Matt Levine's spot over at Dealbreaker. You and Bess would revolutionize finance blogs.

or better yet bess should come over here...

Haha, we'll have to wine & dine her on the WSO expense account. I was thinking Dorsia?

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

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Ben Shalom Bernanke's picture

spot on

Ben Shalom Bernanke
      AM
 
 
(King Kong, 1,423
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 1:25pm

spot on

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IlliniProgrammer's picture

Nothing for the guy drinking

IlliniProgrammer
      ST
 
 
(Almost Human, 9,216
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 1:46pm
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Work hard, play hard.

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BTbanker's picture

IlliniProgrammer: Nothing for

BTbanker
      IB
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,331
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 2:07pm

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

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DonVon's picture

PBR only for me, sorry bros.

DonVon
      IB
 
 
(King Kong, 1,914
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 3:12pm

"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Check out my blog!

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canuckmoney's picture

I drink scotch on the rocks

canuckmoney
      HF
 
(Monkey, 39
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 4:07pm
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expenseaccounts's picture

Dom all day, Natty all night

expenseaccounts
     
 
(Baboon, 102
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 4:20pm
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SirTradesaLot's picture

Unforseen: wow, if your

SirTradesaLot
      O
 
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 4,504
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 4:46pm

Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital

My WSO Blog

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Revsly's picture

Nakaldun7913: As a scotch

Revsly
      ST
 
 
(King Kong, 1,706
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 5:11pm

Jack: They’re all former investment bankers who were laid off from that economic crisis that Nancy Pelosi caused. They have zero real world skills, but God they work hard.
-30 Rock

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Febreeze's picture

wolverine19x89: I like good

Febreeze
     
 
(King Kong, 1,151
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 5:34pm

RIP WSO Chat.

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Unforseen's picture

Revsly: Nakaldun7913: As a

Unforseen
     
 
 
(King Kong, 1,099
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 6:06pm

Check out my Blog

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Going Concern's picture

Unforseen: Some scotches are

Going Concern
     
 
 
(King Kong, 1,689
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 7:30pm

And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time

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DonVon's picture

DonVon: PBR only for me,

DonVon
      IB
 
 
(King Kong, 1,914
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 7:01pm

"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Check out my blog!

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SirTradesaLot's picture

Going

SirTradesaLot
      O
 
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 4,504
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 7:37pm

Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital

My WSO Blog

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blackthorne's picture

Scotch is meant to be enjoyed

blackthorne
      HF
 
(Baboon, 103
 
Points)
 on 11/21/12 at 10:38pm
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fifteen's picture

Send holiday party

fifteen
      O
 
(Senior Monkey, 97
 
Points)
 on 11/22/12 at 3:26am
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Unforseen's picture

blackthorne: Scotch is meant

Unforseen
     
 
 
(King Kong, 1,099
 
Points)
 on 11/22/12 at 12:06pm

Check out my Blog

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aempirei's picture

Slamming back Jack and Diets

aempirei
      IB
 
(Gorilla, 726
 
Points)
 on 11/22/12 at 5:43pm

My name is Nicky, but you can call me Dre.

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Revsly's picture

blackthorne: Scotch is meant

Revsly
      ST
 
 
(King Kong, 1,706
 
Points)
 on 11/22/12 at 6:09pm

Jack: They’re all former investment bankers who were laid off from that economic crisis that Nancy Pelosi caused. They have zero real world skills, but God they work hard.
-30 Rock

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Kenny Powers's picture

aempirei: Slamming back Jack

Kenny Powers
      O
 
(Senior Gorilla, 858
 
Points)
 on 11/22/12 at 6:51pm

pick em, lick em, stick em

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blackthorne's picture

Revsly: blackthorne: Scotch

blackthorne
      HF
 
(Baboon, 103
 
Points)
 on 11/22/12 at 8:10pm
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monkeyDD's picture

Macallan 18 (Either sherry or

monkeyDD
     
 
(Monkey, 55
 
Points)
 on 11/23/12 at 9:10pm
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EURCHF parity's picture

Maybe you yanks have the

EURCHF parity
      O
 
 
(Senior Orangutan, 478
 
Points)
 on 11/24/12 at 5:45am
  • 0
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monkeyc's picture

BTbanker: Your writing style

monkeyc
     
 
(Orangutan, 340
 
Points)
 on 11/24/12 at 2:56pm
  • 0
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monkeyDD's picture

EURCHF parity: Maybe you

monkeyDD
     
 
(Monkey, 55
 
Points)
 on 11/24/12 at 5:45pm
  • 0
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Going Concern's picture

Make me a drink strong enough

Going Concern
     
 
 
(King Kong, 1,689
 
Points)
 on 11/25/12 at 1:38am

And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time

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MissNG's picture

Nice post; from another

MissNG
      O
 
(Senior Baboon, 190
 
Points)
 on 11/25/12 at 5:04pm

"Dont compromise yourself; you're all you've got" - Janis Joplin

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Nakaldun7913's picture

wow, I missed alot over the

Nakaldun7913
      O
 
(Senior Monkey, 76
 
Points)
 on 11/26/12 at 6:22pm
  • 0
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aempirei's picture

Kenny

aempirei
      IB
 
(Gorilla, 726
 
Points)
 on 11/26/12 at 9:45pm

My name is Nicky, but you can call me Dre.

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gamenumbers's picture

I'm usually up for

gamenumbers
      IB
 
 
(Gorilla, 678
 
Points)
 on 11/26/12 at 10:57pm
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We are under no legal obligation to, and generally do not, control the information provided by other users which is made available through the Web Site. By its very nature, other people?s information may be offensive, harmful or inaccurate, and in some cases will be mislabeled or deceptively labeled. We expect that you will use caution and common sense when using this Web Site.

The Material may contain inaccuracies or typographical errors. The Company makes no representations about the accuracy, reliability, completeness, or timeliness of the Web Site or the Material. The use of the Web Site and the Material is at your own risk. Changes are periodically made to the Web Site and may be made at any time.

You acknowledge and agree that you are solely responsible for the content and accuracy of any resume or material contained therein placed by you on the Web Site and you agree to let any users that are identified as recruiters (designated in the sole discretion of the Company) to have access to your resume.

The Company is not to be considered to be an employer with respect to your use of the Web Site and the Company shall not be responsible for any employment decisions, for whatever reason made, made by any entity posting jobs on the Web Site.

THE COMPANY DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THE WEB SITE WILL OPERATE ERROR-FREE OR THAT THE WEB SITE AND ITS SERVER ARE FREE OF COMPUTER VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL MECHANISMS. IF YOUR USE OF THE WEB SITE OR THE MATERIAL RESULTS IN THE NEED FOR SERVICING OR REPLACING EQUIPMENT OR DATA, THE COMPANY IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE COSTS.

THE WEB SITE AND MATERIAL ARE PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" BASIS WITHOUT ANY WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND. THE COMPANY, TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING THE WARRANTY OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT. THE COMPANY MAKES NO WARRANTIES ABOUT THE ACCURACY, RELIABILITY, COMPLETENESS, OR TIMELINESS OF THE MATERIAL, SERVICES, SOFTWARE, TEXT, GRAPHICS, AND LINKS.

Disclaimer of Consequential Damages.

IN NO EVENT SHALL THE COMPANY, ITS SUPPLIERS, OR ANY THIRD PARTIES MENTIONED ON THE WEB SITE BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, INCIDENTAL AND CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, LOST PROFITS, OR DAMAGES RESULTING FROM LOST DATA OR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION) RESULTING FROM THE USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE WEB SITE AND THE MATERIAL, WHETHER BASED ON WARRANTY, CONTRACT, TORT, OR ANY OTHER LEGAL THEORY, AND WHETHER OR NOT THE COMPANY IS ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.

Links to Other Sites.

The Web Site may contain links to third party web sites. These links are provided solely as a convenience to you and not as an endorsement by the Company of the contents on such third-party Web sites. The Company is not responsible for the content of linked third-party sites and does not make any representations regarding the content or accuracy of materials on such third party Web sites. If you decide to access linked third party Web sites, you do so at your own risk.

No Resale or Unauthorized Commercial Use.

You agree not to resell or assign your rights or obligations under these Term of Use. You also agree not to make any unauthorized commercial use of the Web Site.

Limitation of Liability.

The aggregate liability for the Company to you for all claims arising from the use of the Materials is limited to $1.

Termination.

The Company reserves the right, at its sole discretion, to pursue all of its legal remedies, including but not limited to immediate termination of your registration with or ability to access the Web Site and/or any other service provided to you by the Company, upon any breach by you of these Terms and Conditions or if the Company is unable to verify or authenticate any information you submit to the Web Site registration with or ability to access the Web Site.

Indemnity.

You agree to defend, indemnify, and hold harmless the Company, its officers, directors, employees and agents, from and against any claims, actions or demands, including without limitation reasonable legal and accounting fees, alleging or resulting from your use of the Material or your breach of the terms of these Terms and Conditions. The Company shall provide notice to you promptly of any such claim, suit, or proceeding and shall assist you, at your expense, in defending any such claim, suit or proceeding.

General.

The Company makes no claims that the Materials may be lawfully viewed or downloaded outside of the United States. Access to the Materials may not be legal by certain persons or in certain countries. If you access the Web Site from outside of the United States, you do so at your own risk and are responsible for compliance with the laws of your jurisdiction. These Terms and conditions are governed by the internal substantive laws of the State of New York, without respect to its conflict of laws principles. Jurisdiction for any claims arising under this agreement shall lie exclusively with the state or federal courts within New York, New York. If any provision of these Terms and Conditions are found to be invalid by any court having competent jurisdiction, the invalidity of such provision shall not affect the validity of the remaining provisions of these Terms and Conditions, which shall remain in full force and effect. No waiver of any term of these Terms and Conditions shall be deemed a further or continuing waiver of such term or any other term. Except as expressly provided in additional terms of use for areas of the Web Site a particular "Legal Notice," or Software License or Material on particular Web pages, these Terms and Conditions constitute the entire agreement between you and the Company with respect to the use of Web Site. No changes to these Terms and Conditions shall be made except by a revised posting on this page.

PRIVACY POLICY

The Company recognizes that you are concerned about privacy. We are committed to preserving your privacy and safeguarding your sensitive information. The following statement describes the general information-gathering and usage practices of our sites.

Our staff, contractors, Internet service providers and others involved in this site follow this policy or similarly strict policies regarding your Information.

Disclosure

The Company is committed to fully disclosing our policies regarding the collection, use, maintenance, disclosure and security of personal information obtained from users of our site. The term "personal information" includes a name, address, email address, or any other information which could be used to contact you directly or to identify you personally.

Use and Disclosure Limitations

The Company only uses personal information about its Web site users for specific purposes. We do not share user information with third parties except when we have told users about the disclosures, when we have prior consent, or when required by law.

Use Policy: When the Company gathers personal information from users, we ask for permission first. We also disclose, at the time of collection, how the information will be used by us. Personal information is used for activities such as auto-completion of commonly-used forms and helping us contact you when you solicit information from us.

Disclosure Policy: We do not normally disclose personal information to anyone outside of the Company unless we have previously informed users about the disclosures. However, some data may be used from time to time by outside contractors, including auditors or consultants, to assist us in carrying out necessary financial or operational activities. These uses will be consistent with this privacy policy and all contractors using this potential personal information must agree to safeguard it, to use it only for the authorized purpose, and to return it or destroy it upon completion of the activity.

The Company might be required to disclose personal information in response to a valid legal process such as a subpoena, search warrant or court order.

Although unlikely, it is possible that we may have to make certain disclosures to ensure the security of our Web site, to protect its integrity, or to take precautions against potential liability. In any of these situations, we will take any reasonable steps to limit the scope of the data disclosed.

Web Logs: The Company maintains standard Web logs that record basic information about visitors to our Web site. These logs contain: * The Internet domain from which you came to our Web site. * Your IP address. An IP address is a series of numbers which uniquely identifies your connection to the Internet. Although it is possible in some instances, certain types of IP addresses may be used by interested persons to identify users but we do not attempt to identify users in this way. * The type of browser (e.g., Internet Explorer or Netscape) and operating system (e.g., Windows 98) you use. * The date and time you visited the site, and the pages you saw.

We use Web log information to design our Web site, identify popular features, and in similar ways. We do not try to identify individuals from Web logs or to link Web logs to other user information. However, if someone tries to damage our Web site or use it in an unauthorized or illegal way, we may share Web log information with law enforcement agencies. The Company may provide aggregate information such as the number of users who visit particular pages of the site, or the number of people who link to certain external sites from our site, to other parties.

Changes to Privacy Policy

The Company's features and services will change over time and our information-gathering practices and policies may also change.

While our philosophy of protecting user information from inappropriate uses and disclosures will not change, this policy will be updated occasionally to include any change that materially affects the collection, maintenance, use, or disclosure of personal information.

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    WUSTL MSF Applicants (2013-2014)
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  • Fellow Primates, just a quick reminder on some perks for WSO Conference attendees and to let you know that we are quickly running out of dicounted tickets for the 2013 WSO Conference and we are LESS THAN 2 MONTHS AWAY! So if you haven't jumped in on the current deal, you shoudlnt...
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    Taleb: @EmanuelDerman Emanuel, you are a smart man, why the fuck are you still talking about CAPM?
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I used to work with a guy that had everything on the surface, but absolutely nothing inside. The guy was 6 feet tall, good-looking, charismatic, multi-lingual, graduated from a top business school, and had made MD at a bulge bracket investment bank. Yet he couldn’t remember the last time he...
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