8/7/14

Mod Note (Andy): Throwback Thursday: this was originally posted 6/11/12

There are some segments of the economy in which it takes a douchebag to drive value. (This is unfortunate, but empirically observable.) And Auntie Bankerella is worried.

See, over the years I've seen douchebaggery decline little-by-little, both on WSO and in my work life. You young monkeys currently entering the prime of your douche years are just not as douchy as we were back in the day.

I'm not saying it's your fault. Few people achieve their full potential of douchiness naturally; it's something most of us learn by emulation. Which means my generation hasn't properly schooled you guys.

Yeah, I could make excuses. The economy hasn't been douche-friendly, most of the really legendary douches who were our role models are either disgraced or in jail, yadda yadda.

But the truth is that we dropped the doucheball, and I apologize.

However, this week you're in luck. I'm feeling confessional.

During the prime of my own douchehood, I apparently found it necessary to record all the douchebag stuff I was doing and saying. I was reading through this crap recently and the first thing I thought was, "I need to build a time machine and go back and shoot myself at age 21." The second thing was, "Actually, this stuff is educational. And it would be kind of funny if I were somebody else."

So despite my desire to stop reading, erase my hard drive, tie it to a brick, and drop it in the Hudson, I have instead pulled out the statements that made me cringe the hardest. (The things I do for the next generation. Don't say I never gave you guys anything.)

Want to be a Master of the Universe? Read on. Get in touch with your inner douchebag. Break out the Vineyard Vines and clip that phone back on your belt (behind one hip at a casual angle, natch). Stand up tall and brush your shoulders off.

Then I want you guys to get out there and douche like the Dow just closed above 12,000 (or 10,000, or 2,000) for the first time. (That's 2006, 1999, and 1987: perhaps the three finest vintages of douchebag in the history of Wall Street.) Go forth and make Auntie Bankerella proud.

(Did I ever actually say this stuff? Sadly, yes. I either spoke or typed these words to friends or family at some point in my college and analyst years. Did anyone ever tell me I was a douchebag? No. Guess they didn't think they needed to.)

  • To boyfriend: "I've got twelve interviews this week. I'm sorry, but eleven of them are higher-priority than you." (Surprisingly, boyfriend did not dump me.)
  • As a regular at a trendy restaurant: "No octopus carpaccio? Again? This is the third time, Jared."
  • At the gym, ten seconds into a call from a friend: "By the way, it's nothing personal, but I don't get off the elliptical for anybody."
  • Standard douchy conversation-opener at bars and parties: "So what do you do?"
  • On the way to work, speaking to Japanese tourists taking pictures of her and saying Waaru-Sutreeto ga...: "Jesus Christ, people. Wall Street is in the OTHER DIRECTION. Wakarimasu ka? Go downtown and take pictures of the guys from Goldman Sachs and get in their way, mmkay?"
  • On politics: "Greenspan for President!"
  • "All I want for Christmas is a black leather holster for my Bluetooth earpiece."
  • "I'm not taking advice from anyone who keeps stuffed animals on her desk."
  • "I went into a regular supermarket yesterday. I saw peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Biscuits in a can. Frozen food in little paper trays. How shitty does your life have to be?" (FYI, I now purchase all three of these products.)
  • To teammate at 3 AM: "There ain't no "Guide to Being a Happy and Virtuous Investment Banker." You get through the next two years, you can write that book yourself. I'll buy ten copies. Until then, I'm gonna be down on 14 showing my cleavage to Manuel and Jorge [in the print shop] so we can get out of here before the sun comes up."
  • E-mail in response to alumni fundraiser: "Of course [School] has my gratitude. It also has my quarter-million dollars. I feel this concludes our business."

HTH. Anybody got any others they can add?

Comments (119)

6/11/12

You must be a nightmare to date...

-MBP

6/11/12

.

GBS

6/11/12

that is douchey? hahahaha

"targets" are not douchey, you guys try to be. It is so funny, growing up all my brothers target friends hated me and my friends (especially when we were down the beach) because we were complete assholes to them. As in they called the police on the house assholes, but we got away with it.

Get off this forum "bankerella", this isn't a funny post at all. In fact it makes you look like a complete poser.

Whats the matter? Scared of my little red fuzzy anus? Don't be shy,let me show you the way, give me your hand and I will take you to paradise <3

Kind Regards,

ElmElm

6/11/12

Is that it?

6/11/12

o god, not her again

6/11/12

i don't understand the hate. i like this chick.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

6/11/12

^hahaha, word for word the comment i deleted b4

GBS

6/11/12

If a guy had come on, said about all the GSelevator esq things he had come out with, you guys would be loving it....

"After you work on Wall Street it's a choice, would you rather work at McDonalds or on the sell-side? I would choose McDonalds over the sell-side." - David Tepper

6/11/12
Oreos:

If a guy had come on, said about all the GSelevator esq things he had come out with, you guys would be loving it....

word... she's kind of like a female Tucker Max.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

6/11/12
Oreos:

If a guy had come on, said about all the GSelevator esq things he had come out with, you guys would be loving it....

That GSelevator shit is fucking annoying. So count me out.

6/17/12
Oreos:

If a guy had come on, said about all the GSelevator esq things he had come out with, you guys would be loving it....

This.

Today I said to a friend telling me I was bitching too much on waiters: "As if you and I didn't have to work our asses off"
(BTW, brings up the issue if you expect people in general to be as efficient and hard working as you are expected to be)

8/7/14

yep!

6/11/12

I turn my back for a couple weeks and this is what happens?

6/11/12

I was more of an ass than this when I was in middle school.
Yous soft.

6/11/12
bankerella:
  • E-mail in response to alumni fundraiser: "Of course [School] has my gratitude. It also has my quarter-million dollars. I feel this concludes our business."

EPIC.

Fuck all you losers. +1

6/11/12
Edmundo Braverman:
bankerella:
  • E-mail in response to alumni fundraiser: "Of course [School] has my gratitude. It also has my quarter-million dollars. I feel this concludes our business."

EPIC.

Fuck all you losers. +1

Agreed. I might have to use this little gem myself.

6/11/12
labanker:
Edmundo Braverman:
bankerella:
  • E-mail in response to alumni fundraiser: "Of course [School] has my gratitude. It also has my quarter-million dollars. I feel this concludes our business."

EPIC.

Fuck all you losers. +1

Agreed. I might have to use this little gem myself.

I second this comment.
This is about the only one that I felt like is actually douchey and/or funny.

6/11/12

This doesn't make up for your relationship with your father.

6/11/12
wannabeaballer:

This doesn't make up for your relationship with your father.

lmfao!

6/12/12
wannabeaballer:

This doesn't make up for your relationship with your father.

LOLOL came here to post something similar. Bravo

6/11/12

awww,,, I can tell that you need a hug from your papa and mama.
Insecure dogs (bitches) bark a lot

6/11/12
J_monkey:

awww,,, I can tell that you need a hug from your papa and mama.
Insecure dogs (bitches) bark a lot

And what, dear sir, are you doing right there?

BTW, loved the post.

Nothing can stop me.

6/11/12

These are poor on the whole. Standout is "This is the third time, Jared." The Asians & Wall Street one is contrived. Most of the others are more try-hard (as opposed to actually) douchey.

Also - Vineyard Vines? What is this, 10th grade? Call me when you know what you're talking about.

"There are three ways to make a living in this business: be first, be smarter, or cheat."

6/11/12

These are not douchey. Some are dumb, some are annoying, some are totally normal.

6/11/12
prospie:

These are not douchey. Some are dumb, some are annoying, some are totally normal.

So true. Can an old school analyst write something about the hay days? I got my hopes up for this post and this was just plain sad.

6/11/12

this post had so much hope until the underwhelming anecdotes... classic example of man vs. woman... the actual douchiest thing you did is either A) roll your eyes at guys who approached you (assuming you're hot) or B) acted like you're uninterested in men as a race (assuming you're not)

in summary - the things you think were douchy aren't, and the things you unknowingly did are

6/11/12

... i actually don't consider myself a douche, but here's the douchiest thing i REGULARLY say:

to a stranger on the bus / airplane / in the checkout line / grabbing my credit card out of my hand with unnecessary contact: "Why are you touching me right now?"

Best Response
6/11/12

All your responses to bankerella's post so clearly illustrate the point she's making. I'd like to put a finer point on it though - it's the transition from the "high class elitist douche" of the boomer years, ensconced in a life of luxury and oblivious to everything else, to today "low class douche", who says things like "i can picture this chick wearing a strap-on just so she can suck her own dick..." on an anonymous internet forum, and actively goes out of his way to toss insults around, and bolstering his own misguided sense of
cool with each one.

The true art of elitism has been lost - it's not about making sure everyone knows how special you are, it's about living your life in a way that removes all doubt. To truly be elitist you have to actually be elite, not just constantly run your mouth about "models and bottles".

- Capt K -
"Prestige is like a powerful magnet that warps even your beliefs about what you enjoy. If you want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, bait the hook with prestige." - Paul Graham

6/11/12
CaptK:

All your responses to bankerella's post so clearly illustrate the point she's making. I'd like to put a finer point on it though - it's the transition from the "high class elitist douche" of the boomer years, ensconced in a life of luxury and oblivious to everything else, to today "low class douche", who says things like "i can picture this chick wearing a strap-on just so she can suck her own dick..." on an anonymous internet forum, and actively goes out of his way to toss insults around, and bolstering his own misguided sense of
cool with each one.

The true art of elitism has been lost - it's not about making sure everyone knows how special you are, it's about living your life in a way that removes all doubt. To truly be elitist you have to actually be elite, not just constantly run your mouth about "models and bottles".

the "art" of elitism...

if serious, you're up your own ass higher than OP.

6/23/12
CaptK:

All your responses to bankerella's post so clearly illustrate the point she's making. I'd like to put a finer point on it though - it's the transition from the "high class elitist douche" of the boomer years, ensconced in a life of luxury and oblivious to everything else, to today "low class douche", who says things like "i can picture this chick wearing a strap-on just so she can suck her own dick..." on an anonymous internet forum, and actively goes out of his way to toss insults around, and bolstering his own misguided sense of
cool with each one.

The true art of elitism has been lost - it's not about making sure everyone knows how special you are, it's about living your life in a way that removes all doubt. To truly be elitist you have to actually be elite, not just constantly run your mouth about "models and bottles".

To your comment, I say yay. As in the "I am wearing an english wig yay", not "the 15 yr old first date yay."

Good on you, Sir.

7/10/12

.

Nothing short of everything will really do.

6/11/12

OP i know this is crazy
but, I pm'd you my number
so call me maybe

6/11/12
blastoise:

OP i know this is crazy
but, I pm'd you my number
so call me maybe

lulz

6/11/12

never mind bc i don't wanna get le ban

6/11/12

4 real we can both lose our virgnity op

6/11/12
blastoise:

4 real we can both lose our virgnity op

~15% of troll posts make me lol.... this was one

GBS

6/11/12

^^^ I don't doubt that 1 of you could...

6/11/12

Would smash

6/11/12

Can we get married

I hate victims who respect their executioners

6/11/12
bankerella:
  • To boyfriend: "I've got twelve interviews this week. I'm sorry, but eleven of them are higher-priority than you." (Surprisingly, boyfriend did not dump me.)

These are the girls you should avoid, boys.

6/11/12
DrizzyDrake:
bankerella:
  • To boyfriend: "I've got twelve interviews this week. I'm sorry, but eleven of them are higher-priority than you." (Surprisingly, boyfriend did not dump me.)

These are the girls you should avoid, boys.

These are the dudes we should avoid being bros with.

6/11/12
FinancialNoviceII:
DrizzyDrake:
bankerella:
  • To boyfriend: "I've got twelve interviews this week. I'm sorry, but eleven of them are higher-priority than you." (Surprisingly, boyfriend did not dump me.)

These are the girls you should avoid, boys.

These are the dudes we should avoid being bros with.

Lol I'm just saying most guys don't want their girlfriends to be pretentious bitches but to each his own. There are plenty of these type of women out there for you. Take care.

6/11/12
DrizzyDrake:
bankerella:
  • To boyfriend: "I've got twelve interviews this week. I'm sorry, but eleven of them are higher-priority than you." (Surprisingly, boyfriend did not dump me.)

These are the girls you should avoid, boys.

Actually... i don't find this douchey at all, rather it's pretty sound advice. Young people who prioritize their gf/bf over their career are straight retarded. Don't let the some needy attention-seeking bitch/dick get in the way of moving up in life... especially when you're just starting your career.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

6/11/12
sayandarula:
DrizzyDrake:
bankerella:
  • To boyfriend: "I've got twelve interviews this week. I'm sorry, but eleven of them are higher-priority than you." (Surprisingly, boyfriend did not dump me.)

These are the girls you should avoid, boys.

Actually... i don't find this douchey at all, rather it's pretty sound advice. Young people who prioritize their gf/bf over their career are straight retarded. Don't let the some needy attention-seeking bitch/dick get in the way of moving up in life... especially when you're just starting your career.

Agree. However, there is a difference between being or seeming needy and actually giving a shit. Not being able to find some time for your loved ones is a sure fire way to end up alone with a solid career. I never understood the people in relationships, yet never seem to find time for those people. Find a fuck buddy instead.

6/11/12
DrizzyDrake:
bankerella:
  • To boyfriend: "I've got twelve interviews this week. I'm sorry, but eleven of them are higher-priority than you." (Surprisingly, boyfriend did not dump me.)

These are the girls you should avoid, boys.

Couldn't agree more.

Learn to LOVE Trump in less than 3 minutes:

6/11/12

would let you treat me like shit just to see the "girls" at 3AM!

6/11/12

I'm having a hard time remembering the douchiest thing I ever said. Guess this means I'm either not a douche OR am one but just don't know it?

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com

6/11/12

Hahaha! Thanks for the laughs this morning.

6/11/12

This thread made me lol. Side note: I think it was clever of DrizzyDrake to say "Take care"

6/11/12

You've come a long way since your graduation from the University of Houston.

6/11/12

i guess you had to be there

6/12/12

Age 23, to a group of non-finance 23 year olds re: BMW racing school "It's really not that bad, just like a few grand for the weekend"

6/12/12

6/12/12

captk I thought true elitists are misers. I knew a rich dude who always counted pennies. This guy would rather get a free one from the fella sitting next to him at a dive bar than buy one for himself if he could sweet talk his way into it. Never met such a sick fella in my entire life.

6/12/12

Funny, well written OP. I get my dousche fix by going to WSO fashion forum posts circa 2007.

6/12/12

I am doubting bankerella is a chick. I am calling Bullshit on this post and bankerella in general!

Eventus stultorum magister.

6/12/12

As a rich north shore kid in Chicago:

"Half the kids in Gurnee work at Six Flags...
...the other half work at Gurnee Mills."

As an adult:

"Hey, can you help me push my rusty honda up the hill? I'm trying to get it back to Gurnee, IL"

6/12/12

Yea I suddenly am thinking about batting for the other team after hearing how big of a bitch bankerella is

Johnny Ringo...wanna hook up?

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

6/18/12
DeanPortman:

Yea I suddenly am thinking about batting for the other team after hearing how big of a bitch bankerella is

Johnny Ringo...wanna hook up?

No

Eventus stultorum magister.

6/18/12
Johnny Ringo:
DeanPortman:

Yea I suddenly am thinking about batting for the other team after hearing how big of a bitch bankerella is

Johnny Ringo...wanna hook up?

No

that word has never stopped me before

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

6/18/12
DeanPortman:
Johnny Ringo:
DeanPortman:

Yea I suddenly am thinking about batting for the other team after hearing how big of a bitch bankerella is

Johnny Ringo...wanna hook up?

No

that word has never stopped me before

I think that was the mantra Coach Sandusky used as well.

Eventus stultorum magister.

6/12/12

Bish slap yozelf..

6/12/12

To a girl at a professional event who spent the better part of an hour telling me about the dozens of companies she's worked for as if I cared, "Sounds like you've been around the block."

During one of my bouts of belligerent jackassery at another school's conference (this one I'm not proud of), I had had one too many gin and tonics at the evening reception and went up to a girl who had spent the better part of the day showing off her engagement ring to the whole conference and asked her whether her fiance picked it out of a crackerjack box.

6/14/12
down on the upside:

To a girl at a professional event who spent the better part of an hour telling me about the dozens of companies she's worked for as if I cared, "Sounds like you've been around the block.

That there's some good douching. Love it.

6/12/12

I didn't find much of this douchey. I found myself agreeing as I read some of the comments.

6/12/12

Stopped reading and went straight to the comments at "boyfriend"

6/12/12

Does it take you more time to put the makeup on or take it off?

6/14/12

Recently I responded to "what fraction of new cars sold cost under 30k" with "0% of the ones you'd want to drive".

6/14/12

I've done and said worse things than that. That was a good read though. I like it.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.

6/15/12
Flake:

I've done and said worse things than that. That was a good read though. I like it.

Flake, you can't just leave us hanging like that.

I showed you mine, now you show me yours.

6/16/12
bankerella:
Flake:

I've done and said worse things than that. That was a good read though. I like it.

Flake, you can't just leave us hanging like that.

I showed you mine, now you show me yours.

It's so bad that I'm afraid of sharing it on an anonymous forum...because someone may recognize me. Rain check though...

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.

6/15/12

Cleavage gets you promotion ?

6/16/12
energyanalyst:

Cleavage gets you promotion ?

I honestly don't think cleavage is much help in getting you promoted. All I said is that it seemed to help my stuff get through the print shop faster.

It makes sense from the point of view of the print shop guys. They're hardworking dudes doing a crap job from 8 PM till 4 AM. A lot of new analysts treat them poorly since shit rolls downhill and the print shop is one of the few areas of the bank that is downhill of a first-year analyst. But say a chick is easy on the eyes and treats them like human beings, occasionally stops by just to pass the time of day, ask about the family, et cetera. Sometimes they have the ability to make her life a little easier.

So I'm not really saying the sole reason they printed my stuff faster was cleavage. But irregardless (I love that word), Manuel and Jorge had my back and I loved them for it.

And I got no apologies for anybody about it. Being a chick gives you a thousand headwinds and maybe 2-3 tailwinds (which largely go away as we age). I don't intend to start a throwdown over who's got it harder and which advantages are ethical to exploit, so let's just say that we all use what we have in order to get along.

6/16/12
bankerella:

irregardless (I love that word)

I hate that word.

Nothing can stop me.

6/18/12
bankerella:
energyanalyst:

Cleavage gets you promotion ?

But say a chick is easy on the eyes and treats them like human beings, occasionally stops by just to pass the time of day, ask about the family, et cetera.

Are you easy on the eyes though?

6/18/12
Boreed:
bankerella:
energyanalyst:

Cleavage gets you promotion ?

But say a chick is easy on the eyes and treats them like human beings, occasionally stops by just to pass the time of day, ask about the family, et cetera.

Are you easy on the eyes though?

I'm gonna play consultant and give you the standard three bullets:

1: You will never meet me.
2: If you ever do, you won't know it's me.
3: My answer is irrelevant. Things will degenerate into a pit full of monkeys screaming "Pics! Pics! Pics!" regardless.

6/18/12
bankerella:
Boreed:
bankerella:
energyanalyst:

Cleavage gets you promotion ?

But say a chick is easy on the eyes and treats them like human beings, occasionally stops by just to pass the time of day, ask about the family, et cetera.

Are you easy on the eyes though?

I'm gonna play consultant and give you the standard three bullets:

1: You will never meet me.
2: If you ever do, you won't know it's me.
3: My answer is irrelevant. Things will degenerate into a pit full of monkeys screaming "Pics! Pics! Pics!" regardless.

Are you Indian?

6/19/12
bankerella:
Boreed:
bankerella:
energyanalyst:

Cleavage gets you promotion ?

But say a chick is easy on the eyes and treats them like human beings, occasionally stops by just to pass the time of day, ask about the family, et cetera.

Are you easy on the eyes though?

I'm gonna play consultant and give you the standard three bullets:

1: You will never meet me.
2: If you ever do, you won't know it's me.
3: My answer is irrelevant. Things will degenerate into a pit full of monkeys screaming "Pics! Pics! Pics!" regardless.

Pics. Right. Fucking. Now.

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

6/15/12

wow OP you're such a badass!

6/15/12

The douchiest thing I ever did was flex on girls when I worked as a waiter.

I would literally walk up to a female co-worker as she was putting in an order or making drinks, shove my flexed bicep in her face, and obnoxiously say "Ooooh yeah, you just got flexed on!" in a Macho-Man Randy Savage voice. It wasn't always the bicep, it could also be the tricep or rear delt. Once I flexed on a chick with my quad.

"Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes."

6/16/12
TEX:

The douchiest thing I ever did was flex on girls when I worked as a waiter.

I would literally walk up to a female co-worker as she was putting in an order or making drinks, shove my flexed bicep in her face, and obnoxiously say "Ooooh yeah, you just got flexed on!" in a Macho-Man Randy Savage voice. It wasn't always the bicep, it could also be the tricep or rear delt. Once I flexed on a chick with my quad.

That's pretty douchy, but depending on how you play it and how clear you make it that you're actually not a true douchebag, it could be a funny/hot way to put yourself out there and see how they like you. (You probably know that waitress chicks are not the hardest lays if you already work with them.)

6/16/12
bankerella:

(You probably know that waitress chicks are not the hardest lays if you already work with them.)

Waitresses are promiscuous?

6/16/12
bankerella:
TEX:

The douchiest thing I ever did was flex on girls when I worked as a waiter.

I would literally walk up to a female co-worker as she was putting in an order or making drinks, shove my flexed bicep in her face, and obnoxiously say "Ooooh yeah, you just got flexed on!" in a Macho-Man Randy Savage voice. It wasn't always the bicep, it could also be the tricep or rear delt. Once I flexed on a chick with my quad.

That's pretty douchy, but depending on how you play it and how clear you make it that you're actually not a true douchebag, it could be a funny/hot way to put yourself out there and see how they like you. (You probably know that waitress chicks are not the hardest lays if you already work with them.)

Very true on all counts. The line between douche and confident/fun guy is very thin. I'd like to think I played it pretty well with most chicks, but I know there were a handful of waitresses who thought I was a huge douche. But really I just wanted an excuse to use my Macho Man Randy Savage voice and the In Your Face Flex was the best means of doing so.

"Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes."

6/16/12

Girl at the bar asks me to buy her I drink. I say it depends on what it is, she says, Vodka and 7.
I respond: (In snoop voice) I treat a bitch like 7-up, I never have I never will.

Harvey Specter doesn't get cotton mouth.

6/18/12

S, is that you? If so, please stop dicking around on WSO. I would like to see Brian's changes on my desk before I see another post out of you. Also, you are rapidly sliding from "juvenile" territory into "creepy". Pls. fix. Thanks!

6/19/12

Oh bankerella, I want to be just like you when I grow up. Can dreams really come true? JK, no such things as dreams in investment banking, just ask Stephen Ridley...

But really, sister has her priorities straight. Dough before Bro? (idk whatever...I tried)

6/19/12

i was a douche (analyst in 2006-08):

  • in 2006 to father: "in a few years i'll be making more than you"
  • "yeah i smell like cigarettes and strawberries... was at strip club until 5. legs and eggs."
  • to girl - "sometimes i like to take risks... like when i raw dog you"
  • "i'm a white male... MD material, baby."
  • i stopped hooking up with a girl... and completely stopped calling her in the week of her birthday (after 3+ months of dating) because i didn't feel like spending money on a birthday dinner... nevermind even thinking about a birthday gift. then i got a new job and by the time we spoke next (~3 weeks later, i told her i was "making changes in my life"... as in new job, new city... and oh yeah, not seeing you). she pretty much already knew i was not going to see her i think.

idk those are the first ones that come to mind. certainly have others that i bet my old co-workers would recall. pretty much everything i said or did was disrespectful and/or douchey in that gratefully browned-out time period.

6/19/12
psmoore0:

- in 2006 to father: "in a few years i'll be making more than you"

I said the same thing! Thanks for sharing! I don't feel so bad as I'm not the only one.

6/19/12
KeepCalm:
psmoore0:

- in 2006 to father: "in a few years i'll be making more than you"

I said the same thing! Thanks for sharing! I don't feel so bad as I'm not the only one.

You should feel bad. Who says that to the parents that reared them? Without them you'd be nowhere. It shows that some people in banking still need to grow up...but then again some never do. And thus, remain eternally douches.

6/19/12
mokey1234:
KeepCalm:
psmoore0:

- in 2006 to father: "in a few years i'll be making more than you"

I said the same thing! Thanks for sharing! I don't feel so bad as I'm not the only one.

You should feel bad. Who says that to the parents that reared them? Without them you'd be nowhere. It shows that some people in banking still need to grow up...but then again some never do. And thus, remain eternally douches.

I agree, but I wouldn't have said that in a normal setting. I said it angry after my dad tried to convince me for the 50th time that I should stay home and take care of the family business (which doesn't have the actual/potential earnings that I have in banking, plus I have no interest in the industry at all). So I still think the argument is true, but it was cruel of my part to say it that way.
It is hard for him to understand my decision since he doesn't have a clue what banking is and what it means to me and my career. But even after trying to explain that, this argument was what shut him up and ended any further intent to convince me (for the sake of my mental well being).

6/20/12
KeepCalm:
mokey1234:
KeepCalm:
psmoore0:

- in 2006 to father: "in a few years i'll be making more than you"

I said the same thing! Thanks for sharing! I don't feel so bad as I'm not the only one.

You should feel bad. Who says that to the parents that reared them? Without them you'd be nowhere. It shows that some people in banking still need to grow up...but then again some never do. And thus, remain eternally douches.

I agree, but I wouldn't have said that in a normal setting. I said it angry after my dad tried to convince me for the 50th time that I should stay home and take care of the family business (which doesn't have the actual/potential earnings that I have in banking, plus I have no interest in the industry at all). So I still think the argument is true, but it was cruel of my part to say it that way.

My later-in-life friends and I go back and forth on this in the exact same way.

PSA: Applying social norms from your world to somebody else's can be anything from mildly funny to completely offensive.

In the world where lawns are green and moms bake cookies and dads ask us questions and listen to the answers, being a douchebag to our parents is a sign that there is something seriously wrong with us.

In the world where the fridge is always empty and our parents steal our money or tell us we're nothing and always will be, being a douchebag to our parents is a sign that we're strong enough to make it out of there.

Upon reading this, chances are that you, dear reader, feel like one of those two worlds isn't relevant to the question of how children should treat parents. But you'd be wrong.

6/20/12
KeepCalm:
mokey1234:
KeepCalm:
psmoore0:

- in 2006 to father: "in a few years i'll be making more than you"

I said the same thing! Thanks for sharing! I don't feel so bad as I'm not the only one.

You should feel bad. Who says that to the parents that reared them? Without them you'd be nowhere. It shows that some people in banking still need to grow up...but then again some never do. And thus, remain eternally douches.

I agree, but I wouldn't have said that in a normal setting. I said it angry after my dad tried to convince me for the 50th time that I should stay home and take care of the family business (which doesn't have the actual/potential earnings that I have in banking, plus I have no interest in the industry at all). So I still think the argument is true, but it was cruel of my part to say it that way.
It is hard for him to understand my decision since he doesn't have a clue what banking is and what it means to me and my career. But even after trying to explain that, this argument was what shut him up and ended any further intent to convince me (for the sake of my mental well being).

That's fair. Context helps, but to my credit, I do know a LOT of privileged kids who are still asses to their parents who have given them everything...most of the kids are entitled and likewise end up in a field just to make money....ahem, models & bottles anyone?

6/20/12

does "no means yes in my book" count as douchy?

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

6/20/12

A lot of you new WSO members are real tools.

6/21/12
FinancialNoviceII:

A lot of you new WSO members are real tools.

Hey! We learn from the bests here!

6/23/12
FinancialNoviceII:

A lot of you new WSO members are real tools.

Not me though, right?

6/20/12

Its all usually just lack of perspective, empathy or character. I just prefer to be quiet and patient, man trifft sich immer zweimal im leben :).

Valor is of no service, chance rules all, and the bravest often fall by the hands of cowards. - Tacitus

Dr. Nick Riviera: Hey, don't worry. You don't have to make up stories here. Save that for court!

6/23/12

From "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Banker," a trader to a back office guy:

"I make the money; you just count it."

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com

6/23/12

I broke up with a girl like a few days after watching American Psycho with her because she "didn't get it"

-Douche

I hate victims who respect their executioners

6/23/12

The new breed just doesn't know how to carry out elitism anymore, and it depresses me. The people who actually were like the stories on LeveragedSellout are long gone, replaced with the guys who talk about dick-sucking and spend their weekends in Union Square playing "Ultimate" and drinking Jager with a bunch of dudes in their Chinatown studios.

I hate victims who respect their executioners

6/23/12
BlackHat:

The new breed just doesn't know how to carry out elitism anymore, and it depresses me. The people who actually were like the stories on LeveragedSellout are long gone, replaced with the guys who talk about dick-sucking and spend their weekends in Union Square playing "Ultimate" and drinking Jager with a bunch of dudes in their Chinatown studios.

Sounds like a Gordon Gekko-ism, a la "Not bad for a city college boy. Now I've got all these Harvard MBA types sucking my kneecaps."

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com

6/23/12
In The Flesh:
BlackHat:

The new breed just doesn't know how to carry out elitism anymore, and it depresses me. The people who actually were like the stories on LeveragedSellout are long gone, replaced with the guys who talk about dick-sucking and spend their weekends in Union Square playing "Ultimate" and drinking Jager with a bunch of dudes in their Chinatown studios.

Sounds like a Gordon Gekko-ism, a la "Not bad for a city college boy. Now I've got all these Harvard MBA types sucking my kneecaps."

Hearing that line gets me all hot and bothered

I hate victims who respect their executioners

6/23/12
BlackHat:
In The Flesh:
BlackHat:

The new breed just doesn't know how to carry out elitism anymore, and it depresses me. The people who actually were like the stories on LeveragedSellout are long gone, replaced with the guys who talk about dick-sucking and spend their weekends in Union Square playing "Ultimate" and drinking Jager with a bunch of dudes in their Chinatown studios.

Sounds like a Gordon Gekko-ism, a la "Not bad for a city college boy. Now I've got all these Harvard MBA types sucking my kneecaps."

Hearing that line gets me all hot and bothered

As long as you don't feel like you're surrounded by more nuts than a fruitcake.

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com

8/21/13

one time this homeless guy asked my friend hey man do you have any change please? and my friend scream N%$$@ STOP BEGGING!!

lol well hes a friend of a friend of a friend.. i think when guys usually want to be a d bag they will usually get physical.

8/7/14

Bankarella, people are hating but I think you're great. Keep up the good work and please remember to vote for Marco Rubio in 2017. Mercy Madame Tampico

TY

8/7/14

I found this thread interesting for the monkeys who've come and gone over the last two years

8/7/14

Once a rather unattractive girl was trying to strike up a conversation with me and a group of buddies. We were having an intense conversation, and she wasn't taking the hint. She asks, what are you doing in the city? Interning. How long have you been here? Couple months. What is your internship? Finance. I turn around and resume conversation.

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."

8/7/14

While on a date, against my better judgment after getting into a (minor) political discussion:

Me: You think because we disagree on the indoor smoking policy, we're incompatible?

She: I have my other reasons.

Me: Are they any less stupid?

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com

8/7/14

amazing

"The four most dangerous words in investing are: 'this time it's different.'" - Sir John Templeton

"The investor's chief problem - and even his worst enemy - is likely to be himself." - Benjamin Graham

8/7/14

This saved the thread.

8/7/14

Thanks, Paul. Be on the lookout for well-dressed, mad axemen.

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com

8/10/14

In The Flesh:

While on a date, against my better judgment after getting into a (minor) political discussion:

Me: You think because we disagree on the indoor smoking policy, we're incompatible?

She: I have my other reasons.

Me: Are they any less stupid?


I legit lol'd. I also miss Bankerella.
8/7/14

My expectations were so high then it felt like a massive disappointment.
Your stuff is just annoying and weird at best.
You probably did far worse stuff without realizing.

8/7/14

Rarely will any of my posts have enough forethought/structure to be taken seriously.

8/8/14
8/8/14
8/10/14
Matrick:

[in reply to Tony Snark"]

Why aren't you blogging for WSO and become the date doctor for WSO? There seems to be demand.

BatMasterson:

[in reply to Tony Snark's dating tip]

Sensible advice.

8/10/14
Matrick:

[in reply to Tony Snark"]

Why aren't you blogging for WSO and become the date doctor for WSO? There seems to be demand.

BatMasterson:

[in reply to Tony Snark's dating tip]

Sensible advice.

8/11/14

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com

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