Highest Ranked Comments

+22 Sorry OP, my only contribution to this thread is to say that after just reading the title on my phone I'm shocked the OP isn't MonacoMonkey. Pmc2ghy
+22 That article gave me cancer. MLE4444
+22 What is this, Mic.com? BuzzFeed? "Thirteen Keyboard Shortcuts that will BLOW YOUR MIND. #7 impresses every associate!" APAE
+22 http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/jack-black-kick-baxter-a…</a" alt="Dog" /> abacab
+22 "I wanna make bank, bro. I wanna get ass. And drive a Range Rover." RobberBaron123
+22 Seems legit. You ghana email him? pequiteer
+21 If you purchase a building unlevered for $1,000,000 for a 5% cap rate, the NOI is $50,000. Now, assume the building needs $100,000 of capital. pudding
+21 I said wife, not boyfriend. Associate 2 in S&T - Comm
+21 For someone that worked at a top HF, you don’t seem to have basic intelligence and thought. Smoke Frog
+21 unfortunate but you need to get your head in the game man. you will lose all your prestige and possibly your life if you date someone not in IB or PE.  Intern in IB - Gen
+21 Ok clanker VP in IB - Cov
+21 Asians  Associate 1 in IB - Cov
+21 Hi Hamza PM in HF - Event
+21 alright kiddies, here's the best way to network, I'm happy to get as specific as you need, but the only thing you need to remember is BE CURIOUS! thebrofessor
+21 Sounds like you are just a chud. You finally have time in the evenings and you are now realizing you have no friends or bitches. lemickey
+21 blueyellowpink
+21 I worked at a HF (20B AUM) doing L/S TMT, my dad had his own fund (much smaller, generalist), and I know many friends who are in the industry. idiotsavant
+21 unless you’re retarded you’ll be able to place from any of these schools without much difficulty. I personally would pick USC but that’s because I’m a degen who would want to get wasted every weekend. Dont overthink it Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
+21 Hello, BenLocust
+21 -9 months. I was in the womb when daddy endowed me with a few milli.  Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
+21 "dedline"The one question I have is how much longer do you think you'll stay in FT PE? CompBanker
+21 Can confirm we have the DEI malarkey Analyst 2 in IB - Cov
+21 UBS showing up to Midwest bake-offs with all Asian bake-off teams… not a winning strategy Associate 2 in IB - Cov
+21 ive been doing this probably as long as you’ve been alive…and have hired/fired many 2+2 people…9x / 10, the scrappy fmr i-banking / sellside guy ends up being the better analyst. Partner in HF - EquityHedge
+21 HF or not, you got issues dawg😭😭😭😭 Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
+21 Another brand new account trying to fish for hate comments. The alts are pretty obvious man Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
+21 this sounds like PwC PE_Reaper
+21 This is why the British empire crumbled. Associate 3 in PE - LBOs
+21 I work at one of these funds. 3-8 IPs, all older folks, and we are scaled in size. Our returns are great, sr. getagrip
+21 Nothing I said, but I had an internship at a small law firm a few years ago, and it was one of the most awkward situations I've ever been in. Tandem21
+21 I think I speak for all of WSO when I say that we would also like you to work for the bank with the worst culture. Director in IB - Gen
+21 Congrats on 5’8! bigrat
+21 see below for the collated 2025 analyst bonus data mainly from the WSO 2025 Analyst Bonus megathread along with a few other pages/threads. I also incorporated the perks and benefits rankings from this thread  The_Paymaster
+21 It’s cheaper to hire foreigners and they are easier to control.  Analyst 2 in IB - Cov
+21 Adding a realistic one to keep this thread grounded SM HF, 4 YOE but first year at this shop. We are up 50%+ $150k base + $150k bonus Last two years (C/M/P pod) Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
+21 Anonymous Monkey: G0ldmanSacks
+21 Clearly it's not for u no biggie enjoy your CA lifestyle king Jaded Rainmaker
+21 This is what no sex does to a man Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
+21 Without knowing your general situation in high school, my high level advice would be: Smoke Frog
+21 "y" First trade i placed. Asked for a price on a usdjpy options structure. Sales guy responds with "y". I responded with "none of your damn business." Turned out it meant yes... Macro Arbitrage
+21 What are you even arguing about? My  point is that this war that we started is pointless and leaves the US worse off. Do you want to take the opposition side? anon1019
+21 If anything, this helps cause you don't need to go to school. Just network tank_monkey
+21 For me, I worked hard every day, made sure to be super polite and always was the last to leave the office.  I bonded with my team, bought everyone drinks after work, and always took notes.  As a result, my Dad (w Prospect in IB - Gen
+21 @UBS_Superfan Can you share a nonbiased view on what it’s actually like working there? Prospect in IB - Cov
+21 I don’t see cocaine on here Works at Barclays
+21 I think short bathroom rotations with a small key or a pipe might be better than your stack reddemon
+21 Tough love - you’re being entitled and difficult. You knew what job you were taking and clearly every interviewer was concerned that you wouldn’t want this Tier 2 geo (hence they repeatedly asked you).  SaaSChimp
+21 My best friend from college and I have been living out these two paths. He went medicine (surgeon), I obviously went finance.  Here are some random thoughts after drinking all day watching the Masters... Managing Director in IB-M&A
+21 Congrats on UBS! Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
+21 Again, I have never once heard that. I wish you luck with your attempt at leaving sell side 👍 Analyst 1 in Private Credit
+21 Is the point of this post to convince yourself that your job in CRE brokerage is just as prestigious as IB? All investment banking is is market making. They connect those who have capital with those who need/want capital. Fred Fredburger
+21 Two cheeks of the same ass, no big difference  Intern in IB-M&A
+21 Wow no kidding you’re saying the girl you haven’t even taken out on a date yet said she would suck your dick real good if you did? Investment Analyst in HF - EquityHedge
+21 Unfortunately I don't have too much to add, but I think it's really good that you are being honest with yourself. 99% out there aren't and will never take any action out of fear. Intern in IB - Gen
+21 Rates trading in general is very broad. You have front end rates traders (short duration), Treasury trading, futures trading, swaps trading, swaptions (vol) desk, and exotics. Transcending
+21 I will pay a girl to take your virginity OP Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
+21 i sat next to and worked with Primary Dealer traders who colluded with traders at competing banks (but who were personal friends) exchanging confidential client bid info for US Treasury bond auctions (among other things) i faceslappingcompilation
+21 Also anyone else think OP has a bad attitude? Especially for someone that hasn’t even got uni offers yet lol Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
+21 Triggered-elitist-nepo spotted Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
+21 I remember when I used to think Eastdil was the end all be all. Then I found out Eastdil is just a bunch of brokers who call themselves investment bankers in a giant circle jerk. RECorp54
+21 Sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. First step, take a breath. Relax. Anon1254
+21 ah yes, I am familiar with this specimen and they are the fuel of life my friend. you want to prove you are an alpha? the_gekko
+21 He is a victim that needs to be believed. This survivor deserves dignity. Where are all the social justice warriors now  VP in IB - Cov
+21 I honestly love this... natural selection at its finest. Prospect in IB-M&A
+21 pov every french office Intern in IB-M&A
+21 [Intro] Look... If you had... one shot... or one opportunity... To build the biggest bank you ever wanted... one merger... Associate 3 in IB - Cov
+21 Great topic and has not been discussed before HFPM15
+21 Picture this: it’s Sunday morning. You stayed up late yesterday watching the BYU football game. Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
+21 she prob wasn't on a desk that was affected by Brexit. NY FX desks were staffed overnight, only an idiot FX MD would be out for a happy hour with an intern that night. Macro Arbitrage
+21 I find them exciting. Been quietly building something interesting. Not trying to be Citadel/Millennium, but they've found their own differentiation.  PM in HF - RelVal
+21 I talked to him.  He told me that weather had nothing to do with the decision.  He said that he really just doesn't like drill rap. rumplestiltskin
+21 That's not what ironic means, retard.  Analyst 1 in PE - LBOs
+21 Thanks GPT weezyfbaby
+21 Go fuck yourself investment banking guru
+21 Israel, not even a question. IMO the US shouldn't be involved in any capacity beyond retrieving the US hostages (Biden giving Hamas $100m is a pathetic cave but unsurprising given who he is). PrivateTechquity 🚀🚀🚀
+21 Not on the buyside (yet) but have worked on a good amount of software. I think you should be familiar with the terms you mentioned, plus the below: 1) Difference between Gross and Net Retention Yasuo the Unadjusted EBITDA
+21 Top Target Schools For BB Greek Life: FratLord
+21 My recent gripes with UBS: Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
+21 Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
+21 Never realized everyone on here hailed from working class backgrounds! Managing Director in IB - Gen
+21 You're assuming a lot of things here and ignoring the fact that there is a (potentially very likely) world in which you take this job, turns out to be a sweatshop and you don't culturally vibe, spend two years there gettin Associate 3 in PE - LBOs
+21 I think it's clear you need to talk to somebody bro and also heavily consider leaving the industry Prospect in IB-M&A
+21 I’ve done a few of these with different teams there and they were all quite different. You get a big binder with Ks, Qs, transcripts decks, and maybe peers. Anchor
+21 Have you been shoved in a locker before or do I need to do the honors? Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
+21 Was surprised there were no UBS hate posts on the top of WSO the last couple days. Usually there is at least one. Now everyone can use this thread to release any pent up anger over the 48 hours Analyst 3+ in IB - DCM
+21 Marco taking over, hiring all his friends, and hogging the bonus pool really feels like theft… a legal theft unfortunately. Existing UBS and CS bankers cheated the opportunity to work at a reputable bank Associate 3 in IB - Gen
+21 One of the worse groups, but can neither confirm nor deny to protect my identity Prospect in IB - Cov
+21 I'm seeing a decent amount of jobs becoming available but have also heard that the field is incredibly competitive. sl55amg
+21 Lol you guys are some fucking dickwads, kid is hustling out here Teller in Non-profit
+21 what an odd post… MS, Citi, Bofa, Barc, DB also not on this along with literally every EB bar EVR Intern in IA
+21 They arrest you on the spot and you have to work at Citi truck-joys-0r
+21 What will happen is that someone will come down to the office lobby and come grab you. Shake their hand when they greet you. You will make small talk with them in the elevator. Associate 1 in IB - Gen
+21 UBS analysts used to get dinner after 8. Now the perk is watching an MD pull disappearing deal flow out of a hat while your dinner disappears. Prospect in IB - Gen
+21 I think the OP is correct on the effect of generational wealth. It can indeed be a huge help.  Anonymous Monkey
+21 I agree with the SM hate.  I, and a number of friends and colleagues, did 2+2 IB+PE and have been at SM for the last 5+ years. “Good places” even. It is horrible. No transferable skills outside the industry. Investment Analyst in HF - EquityHedge
+21 "....will probably get me to make a TC of 300-400K by age 35...." "....understand if I should just accept the fact that I probably will never be a high-earner...." Associate 3 in IB - Gen
+21 Because half of America would rather give a fat, criminal pedophile infinite power than admit they were conned. Soros_
+21 fuck, beat me to it. "I've always had a passion for being able to move out of my parents' basement and buying liquor for myself." thebrofessor
+21 Well that’s one way to make a junior hurry up on their deliverables Analyst 2 in IB - Cov
+21 Lmao my man always bringing up getting girls. Did you consider, that maybe, he got the car because...he enjoys it and isn't using it as a vehicle (pun intended) to get girls? Howard Hughes